BIG

Two posts in one day - sheesh!  Be sure to visit my other post today for some creative goodness.

And then....
I am beyond thrilled to be enrolled in Connie's (Dirty Footprints Studio) next class, BIG, which starts in just a few short days.

In true Connie style, she has already provided us with thought-provoking goodies.  My responses are so BIG that I couldn't just keep them to myself....they are breaking out into the blog world!

Connie asked, I responded.

1.    What does going BIG look and feel like to me?

Opening my arms and unfolding my wings – I can feel them emanating from my shoulder blades and hear the gentle rustling and feel both the lift as they expand me taller than I’ve ever been and the grounding as the weight pushes me down into my feet.

It feels open – like breathing beyond my body and into the universe.  I exhale and the planets jostle, I inhale and the oceans gently roll in towards the shore. 

It feels honest.  Life is truth and when I’m this big, there is no room for anything but that.

It looks peacefully chaotic.  Schedules bump around and screams of the kiddos blend with noises of traffic jams – muffled, as if I’m in a room in a downtown hotel in the city – and yet I can hear the birds chirping a rhythm to the noise and feel the wind on my cheek after it blows the weeds in the field and smell the wildflowers amidst the moist air before the storm.  

It is what it is, and it is BIG and beautiful.

2.   What scares me about BIG?

Being Seen.  Being judged.  Not only having others know me, but having to know myself.  Not having anywhere to hide, anywhere to shirk away when the going gets tough. 

Knowing what BIG looks and feels like, experiencing it, then failing to follow through.  Becoming small again after knowing my BIGness.  Letting fear or mundane tasks or the concerns of others or my own concerns about money or logistics wrap their palms around my expanding light and smoosh it down like a ball of playdough.  Getting giddy through the process of sharing BIG with others…and then losing my commitment. 

Sinking back into living small after Knowing being BIG.  That terrifies me more than anything else.

3.   What excites me about BIG?

Arriving HOME.  Remembering that delicious self that has always called out to me from the time that I was a little girl curled up in the corner of my closet and dreaming to right now when I can feel the arms wrapped around me and welcoming me back, taste the tears of joy of one who is none other than myself knowing that I    have     re-membered.

It is so much Bigger than this as well.  As I settle into home, after my rest and catching up with all that I missed, I know that it is my journey to grow even Bigger – to not leave home but to expand beyond its walls – to grow so big that I’m not in my home anymore but that it is within Me.  

It is finding Community.  

My journey is to be with others on this path and to radiate this BIGness to others who can hear their own invitations to return to their humanly divine selves.

4.   What BIG things in my life have I already done?

Surviving.  Sitting with the fires that have been started both by myself and by others.  Embracing the pain of being teased relentlessly throughout school years and the turmoils of needing to feel wanted through college years and the utter simply-no-words-to-describe-it devastating loss of my father….

Taking those experiences in life and BEing, questioning, listening.

Determining that I will follow my passions even though they may change frequently.  Not settling into a life of  “that’s-just-the-way-it-is” but determined that while there is no One Way for everyone there is a windy, curvy, up and down, twisty turny, sensually awakening, terrifying and exhilarating Way for me.

The Big Way.

5.   What BIG things do I dream of doing?

Being solidly, unwaveringly, openly BIG.  Knowing my Bigness, seeing my Bigness, speaking my Bigness, and living my Bigness every moment of every day. 

Being unapologetically human – cluttered, ignorant, sensual, logical, materialistic, faulty, and grounded – and fiercely divine – brazen, embracing, kind, dreamy, creative, and flying high.

Living every day where outings with the kids and time with my husband and drinks with friends and meals alone or shared and laundry and cleaning and painting and singing and blogging and showering Is Big and Human and Divine and Me.  I express myself in human ways through making money and keeping house and raising a family and divine ways through painting and poetry and photography and smiling at strangers and GIGGLING Every. Single. Day.

I dream of this because the ME who is already this being is calling so loudly from the awakened side that I can hear it even in my sleep.  If time is linear, it is a message sent back in time from BIG me to Small me telling me to keep going because I’m already BIG so I know I’m not going to fail! 

I will be BIG.  I am BIG.

One Breath

One breath

and she knows

The wind does not pass 

into her

but through her

Chest expanded into 

the sky

Breath being exhaled

into vast openness

A human body so 

at peace

that 

the stars

smile

Getting Drunk

What a whirlwind weekend!  We had determined to Do More rather than Buy More for our son's 6th birthday this year...and boy, did we follow through.

We now have family hangover and unfortunately, hubby has to work through it.  The kids and I are sulking around the house, using our energy to stay positive and get what little accomplished that we can. 

Family hangover, you ask?  A hangover.  Minus the alcohol.  Same fatigue, same grogginess, same "wow-that-was-an-awesome-time-but-it-really-is-all-a-blur" feeling.

We do (fortunately) remember how we got home - and that was at 1 a.m. this morning after travelling back from Kings Island.  The previous night was spent at a hotel, celebrating our son's birthday late into the evening with family after an emotionally-difficult day facing the illness of another family member on Sunday.  We rode emotional roller-coasters followed by actual ones and have been left with a dizzy not-quite-there-yet after-effect.

It was beautiful day, a day of learning what an amusement park visit means on Family Time.  We all had our moments.  Towards the end of the day, we were almost ready to leave - prior to the park closing.

Certainly no one could have considered this a failure - the kids had hung in there, we had the chance to ride both kiddie rides and some adult ones, and the day had been full of fun and frivolity.  But after one particularly stressful event, we decided to attempt a train ride (for a second time) that the birthday-boy wanted to do...and then call it a night.

We chose to stop fighting and just head the peaceful way.  That truly made all of the difference.  We stopped wondering if we should or shouldn't, raised our glasses to the evening, and just threw caution (and the possibility of a full night's sleep) to the wind. We all agree that the last hour or so was our favorite part of the day.

We chose to stop fighting lines, fighting to get things "accomplished", fighting to make sure we all found enjoyment, fighting to get everyone what they wanted or fighting to get just what one of us wanted.  We had paced the entire day VERY slowly, yet we were still fighting - heat, fatigue, expectations.


We gave in...and let our hearts lead the way.  We were rewarded.

We rode the train.  Because we had nowhere else to be, we asked for a photo with the engineer after the ride.  Not only was the birthday boy rewarded with a photo, but he got to climb up front AND ring the train bell six times.

We got ice cream.  Because we had given up on trying to stay clean, we dribbled and delved into delectable deliciousness.  (I was still frustrated at how quickly the ice cream was melting and how sticky everything was getting, but hey - can't let go of everything at once, eh?)

We leisurely strolled towards the park exit.  Because we weren't in a rush to leave, we found a fascinating display of lights on the way out - set to alternate to music.  The temps had cooled down and we strolled among a sensory buffet, watching automated flowers open and close, lights flicker, and the tower dance with color.

We allowed ourselves to get drunk.

We took in one experience after the other, releasing our minds from expectations, getting dizzy from sensual delights we imbibed.

We left after 10 p.m., kids falling asleep almost immediately, and pulled into our driveway at 1 a.m.  

Yes, we are suffering from a hangover this morning.  The kids go in and out of peacefulness and absolute break-downs.  Hubby is suffering through the pain of standing all day at work, wanting nothing more than to sit or rest.  I am doing all I can to not sleep through the day.

We will all rest well tonight, I'm sure.  And after our rest, I plan for all of us to get drunk on life's offerings again as soon as possible.

Cheers.

You have to be always drunk. 

That's all there is to it—it's the only way. 
So as not to feel the horrible burden of time 
that breaks your back 
and bends you to the earth, 
you have to be continually drunk.

But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. 
But be drunk.

And if sometimes, 
on the steps of a palace or the green grass of a ditch,
 in the mournful solitude of your room, 
you wake again, drunkenness already diminishing or gone, 
ask the wind, 
the wave, the star,
 the bird, the clock,
 everything that is flying, 
everything that is groaning, 
everything that is rolling, 
everything that is singing, 
everything that is speaking. . .

ask what time it is 
and wind, wave, 
star, bird, 
clock will answer you: 

"It is time to be drunk! 
So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, 
be drunk, be continually drunk!
 On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

-Charles Baudelaire

Living and Loving the Ride

I stepped away from the computer, my sketchbook, my yoga mat and the house today for a different type of experience..

I was fortunate enough to spend time with our two children, my mother, and mother-in-law at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Museum.

I'm not much one for cars - but my son's birthday is coming up soon and this was a wonderful treat for him.

Growing up in Indiana, the Indianapolis 500 has always been a tradition for us in one way or another, so it was also exciting to see some history behind it.  And - for those who remember - I was lucky enough to run around that 2.5 mile race track several weeks ago.  Being back there brought back AWESOME memories...I am definitely ready to sign up for the mini marathon for next year.  (Ask me again in a few months and my enthusiasm may look a bit different.)

On display at the museum were several older cars.  (This is the centennial anniversary for the Speedway, so you can only imagine the history surrounding it.)  There were quite a few that just fascinated me mainly because of the story I knew was embedded in their fibers and bolts.

Ten miles an hour maximum?  Seriously, can you imagine life at that pace?  Just for a second, try to picture how your life - work, kids (if you have them), shopping, outings - would look different if it was expected that the quickest we could get anywhere ten miles away ...was an hour.  Hmm.

We also watched a short film on the history of the Speedway and learned how it fell into disarray after WWII.  Thanks to the efforts of one person who didn't want to see it disappear, it was returned to its true splendor and remains a fascinating world monument to this day.

One Person.  With troubles, doubts, physical ailments, and obstacles just like us.  There were so many more stories of individuals who started huge businesses, who thrilled on racing cars at speeds unheard of, who tested every limit not because they HAD to but simply because they could.

Something was driving them - pun intended - to go farther, faster - to know when to take a pit stop and pace themselves, but to not linger there too long. 

Just as I strive to do (and would guess many of You do), they did not live life out of necessity alone.  Something More drove them.

As the world changes around us and we go not ten miles an hour but sixty (or more), as we are connected with not just our neighbors though face-to-face talk but the world through online interaction, the fibers and nuts and bolts of our beings and every single thing we create are imprinted with our speed and drive. 

Every thing we touched or influenced throughout the day - as we settle into our beds each evening - settles into the story that becomes Our Collective life.

Take a second and think about the story your are creating.  What will relics from your life look like - both those physical items that will be left behind and those stories that will linger on in the memories and on the tongues of those who will survive long beyond your days?  With no speed limit signs in our own lives, pay attention to what speed you are living...how many pit stops you take, where you choose to linger.

For me, the yoga, the writing, the creating is a new, turbo fuel for me.  I can go longer, faster, with fewer pit stops.  I speed along Highway 66 (the movie CARS - ya gotta see it if you haven't), I linger at the beautiful waterfalls, the old towns with more stories than can be told in a lifetime, the pit stops where the children and I frolic around a water fountain and create pages in a story that I would be happy to have attributed to my life.

Enjoy the ride, loves, enjoy the ride.

Our Stories: Sara Ortiz

Busy day with the kids (more gymnastics, Yay!) - but I have to take a second to remind you:

We have a new OUR STORIES contributer!!

SARA ORTIZ of Sara Ortiz Workshops has so graciously answered the Strength To Be Me questions - and her answers are chock full of divine/human goodness.

Check out her answers HERE. 

(http://ourstories.strengthtobeme.com/2010/06/sara-ortiz.html)

Sara is a coach and idea-generator (love that!) who "helps women entrepreneurs get the ideas out of their head and turn them into action".  Yay for action!

I had a phone session with Sara several weeks ago and let me tell you, this woman is FULL of ideas!  She took some responses I had submitted to her and just started flying with them.

Learn more about Sara at : Http://saraortizworkshops.com

View her blog at: http://creativityonamission.blogspot.com/

You can also sign up for her newsletter**, Sane and Satisfied, at: Http://saraortizworkshops.com/contact.html

  **HINT: There will be a featured woman entrepreneur in about a week in her newsletter that I KNOW you'll LOVE and want to know more about.....you REALLY really don't want to miss it! :)**

I have another post-in-progress that I'll hopefully get up tonight - but we'll see how gymnastics and birthday shopping and, well, life off of the computer goes!!

Have a blissful day!

LifeUnity Fan Page and More!

Ooooh, I'm just SO excited!

First, thank you to everyone who so quickly responded to my li'l request for help!  I got over 25 "Fans" (31 as of right now) for my Facebook page which means, *drumroll*...I have an "official" site!!  Yippee!

You can visit me at Http://www.facebook.com/lifeunity - please do!

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In other news, tomorrow brings another guest for Our Stories.  Sara Ortiz, a beautiful idea-generating coach, will be sharing with us her strengths, humanity, and divinity.  Learn more about how she stays "Sane & Satisfied" - and how you can, too!  Be sure to check it out!

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Slowly but surely, I am finding another groove.  This one is keeping my body and my soul jammin' and baby, we are having a GOOD time.

I will admit to not having run for probably two weeks (*gasp*!  tsk, tsk, tsk...) and won't try to come up with any excuses.  (Other than the fact that it has been over ninety degrees F each day, hubby has been working crazy hours, both kids are home, blah blah blah.)

I DID do the elliptical at home this morning and was instantly reminded of why I exercise in the first place.  That adrenaline rush came flooding back.  Honestly, I miss running (crazy, right?!) and can't wait until I find my feet on the road again.

I also have been doing yoga almost every day (at home) and re-finding the reasons I loved yoga-on-the-mat.  (Thanks to Bindu Wiles and the 215800 challenge!!  It's not too late to join - the challenge has been extended!)  When we can let go of the right or wrong way to do it (as long as you know how to be safe), yoga is an awesome dance between the breath and the body