The Volunteer

Hey there.  I decided to start using this font.  It's easier for my middle aged eyes to read.

A few years ago I decided to start doing some volunteer work.  A cause close to my heart at the time was being pro life.  I really was sad about abortion.  I also was tired of people who say they are pro life but don't actually do anything about it.  I had heard of The Gabriel Project locally and it interested me.  Somehow I saw they had a training/information meeting and I decided to go.

It was a fit.  I felt welcomed even if overwhelmed.  I signed up to be an 'angel'.  Those are the volunteers who meet with and mentor the pregnant moms.  GP helps pregnant women and babies up to 2 months old.  We help with everything from getting them diapers to finding them places to live.  We reach out to get air conditioners, cars, water turned back on, crisis counseling, health care, jobs.  We deliver clothes, shampoo, breast pumps. We answer texts in the middle of the night and listen when they cry.  When they are scared.  When they are triumphant.  It is humbling and draining work.  I love it.

When I started I was trained by some amazing women.  As the organization has developed we have three teams of angels. This is not to diminish the behind the scenes workers also!  The hotline operators and store room workers and fundraisers.  I was on the red team. My supervisor was a sweet woman who has such a gentle and kind spirit.  A few months ago she asked me if I would be interested in taking over as team leader as she needed to step away to care for her sister.  I said yes even though I had actually never met the other angels on my team.

It went well.  I had little new things to do at this point.  But I did start going to the directors meetings once a month and learning more about the organization.  I also passed info along to the members on my team about what we were supposed to be doing and what supplies we had.

Then one of the directors approached me about taking over some of her responsibilities as she needed to step away.  She wanted to spend time with her grandkids.  She wondered if I would want to be the one to assign angels to new moms.  I thought it would be pretty easy.  She said on average they get 5 moms a month.  And a few one time needs calls.  Sounded doable.

My first month I got 15 new moms and and many one time needs calls.  

Our angels are full.  I have 5 moms myself.  It's turned into a bit of a stressful job.  I still like doing it.  But it feels like work some days.  There are some days where I spend hours coordinating.  Some of our volunteers are not tech savvy and I mean that as in they don't text!  So I have to get calls and try to email some.  Sometimes a simple text back can take an hour.  And when I finally hear back it's just a no.  Then I have to start over trying to find an angel.  And once the poor woman texted to say she would call me the next day.  She called to say that she couldn't take an more moms she was quitting and later received a call where it turned out she had never contacted a mom she was assigned the month before.  *yikes!*

I've never had more than two moms at a time and now I am juggling the five plus the new responsibilities.  

Today I had to argue a bit with the woman who started my training and that was awkward. She said she didn't have a mom and I had to explain to her that she did have the mom.  *cringe*  Her notes were in the moms file (online google sheet) so I can see that she did have the mom and had made attempts to contact.  She did nothing wrong but it still felt weird to have to say it was in fact her client. 

I didn't really know that this new position? responsibility? was going to involve me having to kind of supervise people.  

I won't quit but I can see where people get burned out from it.  I've ordered a bulletin board for my office to keep the notes organized.  Hopefully it will help it feel less chaotic. *fingers crossed*

This post feels as chaotic as these last two month's volunteering has.  Also it took me like two weeks to write so imma hit publish and move on!!

Vacation Home......eventually

About 12 years ago we built what I called our dream home.  And it was at the time and it is still our home.  But we decided a few years ago to build a house in POC.  We had bought a little trailer, two bedroom-two bath for staying on weekends and during the summer.  We used is all summer for several years and sometimes we went down for Christmas too.  After a few years it was clear we were outgrowing it.

We discussed building something permanent.  D wanted ICF like our current home and that makes lots of sense because POC is on the coast and...you know....hurricanes!  I remember sitting down with my mom and sketching out plans on some graph paper.  It sounds crazy but we wanted to go tall.  Really tall.  Four stories with a flat roof deck.  Over the year our plans and dreams evolved.  Wraparound porches and suites instead of bunk rooms.  We went back and forth over whether the top floor should be bedrooms or living area.  And when we were pretty happy with it we met with an architect to have formal plans drawn up.

First floor: garage

Second floor: Two bedroom suites with full baths, theatre room, half bath

Third floor: Two bedroom suites with full baths, bonus room, half bath

Fourth floor: Living, dining, kitchen, laundry and half bath.

Both the third and fourth floor have porches that wrap two sides and the second floor has a porch on one side off the bedrooms.  

There was some tweaking and the architect designed some different suite styles and we chose to use both so that all the rooms were not identical.  There are roll-in showers and tubs on both floors depending on which room you are in.  And views from every room.  Four double doors with full glass on the top floor.  And a staircase will lead to the roof top deck if you want to see all of POC from five stories up. On the two bedroom floors you are looking out over a grove of trees so it feels like you are living in a tree house.  

We started building in September of 2020 with mapping out boundaries, getting permits and dirt work. I thought we would be done by May....July at the latest but at least we would spend next summer in POC!!!  It would be November before we were able to pour the foundation and January before the first wall pour.  It was starting to set in that there would be no way to finish by summer.  I was sad but hopeful that maybe by August we would be finished enough to stay in it a little before school started.

The final pour (of the roof) was done in July of 2020.  Almost a full year from breaking ground.  We had been told to order appliances early as they would take 6 months to come in.  They took about 2 months and have been sitting in storage ever since. (Nearly 2 years)  There was a leak in the roof and porches.  The roof was supposed to be sealed already so the company who did that had to come back and fix it.  It took about 6 months for that to happen.  We could do nothing on the inside until the roof was fixed.  April of 2022 the house was finally dried in.  Drywall crews could finally start.

Today the drywall is nearly completed and we are waiting on cabinets to be built.  I have started to finalize tile and flooring choices.

D and I are still married despite this journey.  But the other day I lost it on him. He told me the cabinet maker had called to see if they were done with drywall so our cabinets could be next on the list and and not bumped.  He said he told them he didn't know.  I was furious.  We knew if the drywall wasn't done, it was only days away from being done and if our cabinets got bumped it would be weeks before they could be installed.  And until they are installed we can't get countertops and tile work done.  I had a meltdown.  And as most fights are it was not about the one mistake it was about me reaching the very end of my patience with waiting.  Two years is a loooooong time especially when an escape to POC is my only sanity.  He had his hunting trips. I have salt air.  Except I haven't had that for years.  (He's still had his hunting trips.)  He gets to go down to POC multiple times a week to run the build.  I get to stay and do 350 miles a week in carpooling.  I don't want to trade places I JUST WANT THE HOUSE DONE THIS FUCKING SUMMER.

He called and told them we were done with sheetrock so they could start the cabinets.  Cool.

Next week we take a trip to Austin.  Before the pandemic I tried to do a little excursion trip for the kids every summer.  Houston/NASA.  San Antonio/Alamo.  Houston/Zoo and Museums.  This is our first trip since covid.  We are doing a little shopping, escape room, Airbnb for the first time, and maybe driving by Little d's future college.  

I am excited for this trip for sure but I still want the house finished in time for some real R&R in POC.  *this summer*

Passenger Seat Cure

 For two years I have worried about Covid.  

Originally I worried for everyone in my family, and the world, when little was known.  I am a germaphobe.  So anytime a scary new disease emerges--bird flu anyone?--I scour the internet for information and stay glued to the TV.  I then assess the threat to my family.  Usually it's not bad.  I look first at how is it transmitted and then, the death/survival rate.  

The last one that terrified me was Ebola.  I had seen the news reports early, before people were really talking about it.  And I thought this looks scary.  I mean the disease progression itself.  And another scary part was the death rate.  Originally I think they said 80% were dying.  This of course was skewed by the fact that it was in an area with little medical advances and other reasons but still--super scary.  The one thing that calmed me was it was not airborne.  Only transmissible through body fluids.  Well folks, if anyone can stay away from body fluids and keep her kids away from body fluids it's....this girl!!

When it hit Dallas I told all my family members who would constantly joke about my sanitation standards who are you looking to now??  HaHA.  Me that's who!  Ebola would not stand a CHANCE!  Then it seemed we were able to get that under control thank goodness.  

Covid was different.  I immediately thought oh this one could be for real.  I remember sitting in my favorite Mexican restaurant with my husband and cousin eating lunch.  I remember saying I think this one is gonna get bad. This was the week before my kids Spring Break.  The Spring Break that lasted until summer because schools closed down.  

One thing that was known pretty soon is how deadly this was for older people and people with preexisting conditions.  My parents.

I immediately did what I have been training for my whole life it seems.  I quarantined everyone and everything.  You did not have to explain to my how to wipe down items and keep things sterile.  Training my whole life people!  It was easy.  We have stockpiles of so many things because I'm a germaphobe remember AND we live in the country so we don't make trips to the store often.  Also I had started using curbside a year before because it made grocery shopping so easy!  I was set.  Well except for the bread situation.  I did not have stockpiles of bread.  And turns out yeast was also scarce.  I ended up getting some for $50 from Amazon--a pound.  I still have it and it still works.  I recently went to check and see the price of it now.  Eight Doll Hairs.  *disgusted face*

Time moves on and my priority was keeping my parents safe.  We decided to do virtual school the next year so that we could still have contact with my parents.  Then sweet blessings!  A vaccine was made!  Mom and dad got the vaccine--after trial and error of vying for the doses being released.  Then me and husband got ours!  So the last nine weeks of school my kiddos went back face to face----with masks of course.  They got to finish the year with their friends and teachers.  It was a big adjustment.

Then summer came and teens could get vaccinated!  We were so happy to be getting back to normal!  Little d and little m both got fully vaxxed by July.  I felt like I could breathe a sigh of relief.  I was still nervous for little md.  He was starting 6th grade at a new school and they were no longer offering virtual school.  If I didn't want him to go (as Delta began to rise) I would have to homeschool.  I was so torn.  He had done blood work and his Vitamin D levels were low.  He was on a supplement.  It was thought that low vitamin d was bad with covid so I consulted with his pediatrician.  She said he should wear a mask but she thought it would be ok.  

So my kids all started this year wearing a mask.  And less than two weeks into the year kids and teachers were dropping like flies to covid--not dying, I guess I worded that wrong--they were getting sick.  So many that the district sent out a notification to please consider wearing a mask even though Texas can't let them mandate it because we were at the breaking point for being able to have staff to run the schools.

My kids were among the roughly 1/3 of students wearing masks. Little md's friend at the lunch table had covid (his family doesn't believe in masks).  Two days later Mitchell came down with it.  Long story short so did I.  As I was primarily the one taking care of him.  It was rough and scary for me but we both recovered.  

In October my parents were able to get their booster.  I told my husband to get one to since I just had covid, my hybrid immunity was considered strong.  D put it off and sure enough in January when Little m followed by Little d caught it so did he.  Little md and I stayed well.  Their bout was not too horrible.  Like a flu.  Little m had a very bad sore throat for several days.  And they all had headaches too.

But so far I had managed to keep the most vulnerable in my fam safe.  My mom and dad.  

They started hanging out with my aunts and uncles.  Several family members have moved back to POC and it's actually awesome.  It's like a little retirement village!  Card games, dessert, potluck dinners.  I am so thrilled for them!  And everyone attending is vaccinated and most are boosted.

But unfortunately one aunt (who is going through chemo) turned up with covid after a Sunday spent playing cards.  In the week and half that followed 15 others would test positive including my parents.  Thank goodness all are doing well and on the mend.

I went and picked up my parents meds the other day and was riding with them in the passenger seat.  It hit me that two years ago I never would have thought I would be carrying what is essentially the cure for a pandemic in a paper bag on my passenger seat.  I almost started crying.

The ups and downs have happened this year.  My entire world view shifted--more on that to follow--and we made it through.  We officially MADE IT THROUGH a pandemic.  We can now go back to our regularly scheduled program of my fear of regular germs.  

peace out....wait did someone say monkey pox??!

15 Minutes

It takes about 15 minutes to drive my two middle schoolers to school in the morning.  Give or take considering lights and traffic.  Our usual thing is to talk about the day ahead and say our morning prayers.  Sometimes we listen to the radio--not too often these days as we are tired and unenthusiastic for school.

15 minutes:

'Get in we are running behind.'  Little m was running late-unusual for her-because she is in a play today and needed a last minute 'costume'.  Camo jacket with black jeans as she is playing in The Night Witches.  A story about Russian women pilots during WW2 worth learning about if you haven't heard of them.

Hop in check to make sure we have all our things. Lunches. Badges. Phones.

Drive way.  'You know there was a school shooting in Texas that killed 19 kids, right?'  I start.  Talking over the lump in my throat.  They have to hear it from me also I have to give the warnings.  'I just want you guys to be aware ALL THE TIME of your surroundings.  Always aware of the situation.'  I go on to talk about paying attention to things.  Remember where you are supposed to go in each class room.  From the active shooter drills they've had.

10 Minutes:

We discuss as we always do at least once a month.  Be kind to everyone.  Stick up for anyone you see getting bullied.  It's hard but it's the right thing to do.  'We are privileged.'  We have food everyday.  And clothes and your parents don't hit each other or you.  'We are so lucky.'  Just be kind to everyone because we don't know what they go home to every day.

7 Minutes:

'I am soo proud of you guys.'  Not just for your grades I let them know.  But for how they are so kind and good humans.  'Being a good human is more important than being smart.'  We say our prayers.  As we do every morning.  But this morning I am fighting hard not to cry as we add prayers for the families in Uvalde.

3 Minutes:

Pull up to the stoplight by the school.  Little m from the back seat....why are the flags halfmast?  Is that for the shooting?  Me....yes it must be.  Turn into the drop off lane.  'You know these last two days of school will be the safest all year because everyone is on heightened alert.'  I fucking hate that I said that and that I know that.  There is an SRO walking through the parking lot an assistant principal standing with a security guard at drop off.  Little m laughs that she's going to have to explain that she's wearing a camo jacket because she's in a play.

One Minute:

'Ok I love you guys kisses kisses see you at regular pickup time.'

And then I watch them get out.  And then I check my blind spot and the crosswalk.  And then I pull back into the traffic lane.  And then I start crying.

I don't know what needs to be done but we can't keep doing what we are doing now because it is not working.

The Comment Section

 The comment section gets me every time.  

I'll see a post on fb and I know the comment section is gonna piss me off, but I'll read it anyway.  It is such an Achilles heel for me I thought about creating a twitter account just to post the stupid comments people post.   If I'm honest I still want to do that.

I usually don't say anything.  Unless it's just TOO much.  Most of the time I'll just screenshot it and send it to little d and then we roast the beep out of the person.  

Just today I saw a comment of a relative--I use that term loosely as he is married to one of my cousins--about the formula shortage.  

Now let's start by saying I breastfed three children.  One for four months with little medical support and two breast infections and then another infection that required a medicine that was not bf friendly so I had to quit.  The second child refused to use ANY other nipple/pacifier and I was forced to bf exclusively for one year.  The third ate WAYYY more than I could keep up with I had to supplement and then stop at five months.  So when I say I have a personal opinion about this know.....that I do. 

Anyway back to the comment.  

The original post said "BABIES WITHOUT FOOD SHOULD BE A NATIONAL EMERGENCY, NOT A PROBLEM FOR PARENTS TO SOLVE"   Seems reasonable to me.  I mean babies without food=emergency.  So Dipshit comments the following....

"I'm still stuck on the fact that people have been a thing for a couple thousand years and commercially produced formula has only been around 50-60 years.  How'd we make it this far?  Wake up sheep, and pull your heads out your asses."

Well that's a lot to unpack.  I mean let's break it down.  People being 'a thing' for 2000 years.  Well we've been around longer but let's slide on past that.  In 13 seconds I found on google that commercially produced formula was invented in 1867 to solve infant mortality.  I mean he asked a reasonable question....how'd we make it this far?  I thought maybe he actually wanted an answer.

Here's my response:  "Formula has actually been around for over a hundred years.  It was invented to help combat infant mortality.  So I guess the answer to what did we do before that was.....die.  Or I guess hope you could find a wet nurse *shrug emoji*"

Snarky I know.  But he was being a dick.  And since both of his children were born addicted to controlled substances I thought he was being a little holier than thou.

He responded with this gem: "obviously the vast majority survived just fine without formula *shrug emoji*"

Yeah.  He's right.  Fuck those babies who can't survive.  

I didn't comment that.  But I really wanted to.  I mean reeeallly wanted to.  I mean like even now I want to go back and write that.  But I decided to let his stupidity speak for itself.  

Gosh this blogging thing is super therapeutic.  Maybe I don't need that twitter account???