Just today, a though crossed my mind, not for the first time, and usually it goes like this: "How can I accept and allow myself to transition if it's just an idea (fantasy), that got contructed and exists exclusively in my mind. How does gender even work, if it (and everyhting) we construct exists exlusively in our minds.

Does believing in something make it real? Well no, thousands of people believe in god and sure, it shapes the human conciousness, but doesn't mean there is an actual god. So why exacly would I chase a feminine body image shaped by the patriarchy?

I know I want and probably should transition, but I have no idea how to philosophically justify that. Or you know, the whole of existence. Really coming to grips with nihilism this year.

Anyway my point is that it's actually kinda crazy that I find my presumably original analogy - of gender and god beliefs, on the internet the very same day.