The Link Between Body Confidence and Better Sex
You’re standing in front of the mirror. The soft light cascades over the curves you spent years critiquing. Maybe it’s in the way your stomach folds. Maybe it’s in the way your thighs gently touch. Perhaps it’s the way that slight (or not so slight) hesitation creeps in when it’s time to undress in front of someone new — or someone familiar.
In moments like these, desire can feel so very distant. But when we feel at home in our skin, there’s a shift that takes place deep inside of us. We stop performing and start participating. We stop bracing for judgment and begin reaching for connection. The experience of sex becomes less about how we look and more about how we feel.
It’s a quiet truth that isn’t taught, and we don’t need to have it all figured out. In fact, it’s a journey. Think of it as a discovery; a discovery of oneself that allows one to connect with others on a truly intimate level.
It’s a discovery that the more we embrace our bodies (not just accept them, but truly embrace them) the more fully we can show up for the experiences that make us feel alive.
This simple truth sits at the centre of it all: body confidence and sex are deeply connected.
Why Body Confidence Matters in Sexual Intimacy
Body confidence doesn’t mean loving every inch of yourself all the time. It means feeling safe in your own skin, especially in moments of closeness. And when it comes to intimacy, that feeling of safety changes everything.
When you’re not distracted by thoughts of how your body looks from this angle or whether your partner notices that stretch mark, you’re more present. The anxiety quiets. You can focus on what feels good, not what looks good. That presence is what unlocks deeper pleasure.
With confidence comes the courage to express your desires – to ask for what you like, to say what you want, to explore without shame.
Confidence also gives you permission to experience touch fully without bracing, flinching, or shrinking. Instead of feeling exposed, you feel engaged. Instead of checking out, you lean in. It’s not about being fearless; it’s about being free.
When you trust your body, you begin to trust yourself.
The Role of Media and Comparison
Think of the steamiest, most intimate sex scene in a film you love. That’s the one.
Now reflect on how you responded to that scene. Was it a “damn, I wish I looked that good when I’m having sex,” or was it a “damn, that looks like it feels great!”?
Chances are, it was the first.
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We’ve been conditioned to observe intimacy rather than experience it—to prioritise how we appear in the moment over how the moment feels. Media has painted a narrow picture of what “sexy” is supposed to look like: flat stomachs, perfect angles, barely a bead of sweat. Not a stretch mark, soft belly, or awkward giggle in sight.
And so, we internalise the message: if our bodies don’t match the fantasy, then maybe we’re not allowed the same kind of pleasure. Maybe desire is reserved for the “after” photo.
But here’s the truth: everybody is a pleasure body. We don’t need to earn it, shrink it, smooth it, or hide it. Comparison only pulls us further from presence.
You weren’t made to be watched. You were made to feel.
Tips to Build Body Confidence (Especially in the Bedroom)
Body confidence isn’t something you stumble into. It’s something you build, nurture, and return to, especially when shame tries to sneak back in. Here are a few grounded, practical ways to cultivate a deeper connection with your body and feel more confident in intimate spaces:Â
- Practice daily affirmations – spoken out loud: Affirmations might feel awkward at first, but the way we speak to ourselves matters. Try beginning your day with something simple and direct: “This body is mine. It is worthy of love, pleasure, and respect.” The more you say it, the more your brain begins to believe it.
- Wear lingerie (or no lingerie!) that makes you feel good: Let’s be clear about one thing. Confidence is by no means about impressing someone else. It’s about honouring yourself. Choose pieces that make you feel strong, soft, sensual, or playful. Or ditch the lingerie entirely if it feels performative. The point is to wear (or not wear) what aligns with how you want to feel.
- Choose pleasure over performance: Let go of the internal script. You don’t need to arch your back just right or make the “right” sounds. Focus instead on sensation: the warmth of touch, the rhythm of breath, the beat of connection. Your partner doesn’t want a performance. They want you.
- Create safe, judgement-free zones with your partner: Open, loving communication is a game-changer. Talk about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what insecurities you might be working through. A partner who listens, reassures, and celebrates your body with you helps build trust. And confidence thrives in trust.
- Move your body in ways that make you feel alive: This isn’t about exercise for weight loss. This is about dancing in your kitchen, stretching in the morning, taking a walk in the sunshine. Doing things that remind you; your body is powerful, responsive, and worth celebrating.
- Spend time naked – just for you: Not for your partner. Not for the mirror. Just to feel your body without covering it, criticising it, or adjusting it. Lie in bed naked. Lounge around the house naked. Reclaim the softness and strength of your skin as something you don’t need to hide.
- Curate your media diet: Follow accounts and people who show diverse, real bodies. Unfollow anything that makes you feel “less than.” Representation matters and seeing others show up fully in their own skin can be a powerful reminder that you can, too.
Coming Home to Yourself
Confidence is a practice. Some days, it feels like second nature. Other days, it takes intention, gentleness, and a deep breath in front of the mirror. That’s okay. You don’t need to feel perfect to feel powerful.
Sexy was never about a size, a shape, or a flawless silhouette. Sexy is a mindset. It’s the quiet decision to show up as you are, to be present in your own pleasure, and to stop waiting for a different body to give yourself permission to enjoy intimacy.
So, take up space. Speak your needs. Own your pleasure.
You are already enough. And you are allowed to feel good.
