23
Products
reviewed
174
Products
in account

Recent reviews by the sloppy slapper

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Showing 1-10 of 23 entries
6 people found this review helpful
34.1 hrs on record
the most awful woke millenial slop game ive ever played, coming from a borderlands veteran
Posted August 14, 2025.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
31.2 hrs on record
runs really well with 60fps Silent Patch aside from the mission "Balls of Snow" where you get stuck after throwing the first snowball. disable it and reenable after the mission and you're good. amazing game, super fun to 100%
Posted August 14, 2025.
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1 person found this review helpful
76.5 hrs on record
i hate the monkey couple
Posted October 20, 2024.
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2 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
1.2 hrs on record
you're a loser coombrain if you play this you will have no friends and no family to keep you company as you die alone
Posted August 17, 2024.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
371.4 hrs on record (123.0 hrs at review time)
Have you ever encountered a game that promised the world and delivered nothing but disappointment? Look no further than Elden Ring, a prime example of overhyped mediocrity masquerading as a masterpiece. From Software, renowned for their challenging and atmospheric games, seemed to have missed the mark entirely with this one. Let's start with the gameplay, which feels like a convoluted mess of recycled mechanics from their previous titles. Sure, they've thrown in some open-world elements, but what's the point when every corner you turn reveals the same repetitive enemies and uninspired landscapes? It's like they slapped together a bunch of leftover ideas from Dark Souls and Bloodborne and called it innovation.

Then there's the story—or lack thereof. Elden Ring boasts about its deep lore and intricate narrative, but what players actually get is a convoluted mess of cryptic dialogue and obscure references that even the most dedicated lore hunters struggle to piece together. Where's the coherence? Where's the emotional resonance that makes you care about the world you're supposed to be saving? Instead, you're left with a disjointed narrative that feels like it was written by someone who read too many fantasy novels but forgot to create a compelling plot.

Let's not forget the technical issues. Elden Ring is riddled with bugs and glitches that range from mildly irritating to game-breaking. It's as if they rushed the release without bothering to iron out the kinks, leaving players frustrated and wondering if they should have waited for the inevitable patches. And don't get me started on the performance on older consoles—it's like watching a slideshow in some areas, which completely ruins the immersion that From Software games are known for.

And what about the supposed "freedom" of exploration? Sure, you can wander around aimlessly, but what's the reward when every side quest and hidden area feels like a chore rather than a meaningful discovery? The open world is vast, yes, but it lacks the depth and richness that would make exploration truly rewarding. Instead of stumbling upon something truly awe-inspiring, you're more likely to find another copy-paste dungeon or a boss fight that feels like a rehashed version of one you've already beaten.

Finally, let's address the fanbase. Elden Ring has spawned a cult-like following of apologists who defend its flaws with religious fervor. It's almost as if admitting the game has shortcomings is sacrilege. But here's the truth: demanding better from developers isn't blasphemy—it's holding them accountable for their promises. We shouldn't settle for half-baked ideas and sloppy execution just because a game comes with a recognizable name attached to it.

In conclusion, Elden Ring is a prime example of what happens when hype outweighs substance. It's a disappointing reminder that even the most talented developers can miss the mark. From recycled gameplay to a lackluster story, technical issues, shallow exploration, and a fanbase unwilling to acknowledge its faults, Elden Ring is a testament to the dangers of overhype and underdelivery in the gaming industry.
Posted August 28, 2022. Last edited July 6, 2024.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
25.8 hrs on record (10.5 hrs at review time)
soy game but fun
Posted March 6, 2022. Last edited November 8, 2024.
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No one has rated this review as helpful yet
1
114.6 hrs on record (53.4 hrs at review time)
sure the enemy placement may be the worst out of any game i've ever played, and sure the physics are overly smooth and sure the backstabs are unsatisfying and sure blah blah blah. the game has A LOT of flaws but damn, going through 40+ bosses and 3 really crazy DLCs was a blast. definitely recommend if you don't just listen to everyone else and actually give it a try.
Posted December 15, 2021.
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