💦 FULL SET: Id/AndersVz - Full Archive

Red Dead Redemption 2: A Masterpiece of Mediocrity

Let’s get one thing straight: Red Dead Redemption 2 isn’t a game. It’s a painfully slow, glorified horse simulator made by Rockstar — a studio that clearly thought "fun" was optional.

From the moment you boot it up, you’re slapped with a two-hour tutorial where the most exciting thing you do is... walk. Slowly. In snow. At this point, I started wondering if Rockstar secretly hates gamers.

People praise the "immersive world" and "deep characters" — but let’s be honest. You spend 80% of the game riding your horse in real time like it’s some kind of equestrian endurance test. Every mission is a cutscene sandwich with two slices of painfully sluggish gameplay. Arthur Morgan? Sure, he’s got grit — but you could’ve replaced him with a talking rock and I wouldn’t have noticed halfway through the game’s 9000-hour runtime.

And don’t even get me started on the controls. Rockstar seems to have engineered the clunkiest system possible, just to make sure every moment feels like dragging a dead cow through molasses. Want to pick up a can of beans? Hope you enjoy fumbling with 14 different buttons to do it.

The fans will tell you "you just don't get it" — as if pretending to clean your virtual guns and brushing your horse is peak entertainment. Sorry, I play games to escape chores, not simulate them with 4K textures.

In short, Red Dead Redemption 2 is what happens when a studio gets so high on its own cinematic ambitions that it forgets to make a video game. It’s not the Wild West — it’s the Mild West.