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Colorado, United States



After the catastrophic over-saturation of hampter mass in Phase Omega, we’ve learned that more hamsters does not necessarily mean more power. It just means more radioactive, crudely welded screaming hamsters. Phase Final will focus on process refinement, precision over volume.
The QDHAM495 core has been miniaturized and surgically embedded into a single elite hampster unit: the Omni Ham.
This entity no longer eats, sleeps, or acknowledges God. It simply vibrates. Hard and constantly. The energy output is immeasurable. We’ve relocated testing to an abandoned Petsmart parking lot pending FEMA approval.
Early field tests show the Omni Ham can levitate if exposed to frequencies such as the Great Fairy theme from Zelda but only the moaning, 10 hour edition. It’s worth noting that the hammie emits an obcene amount of radiation doing this but for some reason, the only people the radiation affects are gay guys (lol).
With nuclear power coursing through its hamster-packed chassis, Phase Omega redefines tactical superiority. This isn't just warfare. It's whisker-fueled revolution.
Phase Omega has launched. The battlefield will never be the same.
Building upon the groundbreaking success of our crudely welded, TIG-fused hamster technology, Phase Omega features a jaw-dropping 20x increase in hamster volume. That’s right—more hamsters, more welding, more war-bot. Each furry unit is precision-placed using advanced chaos-aligned welding techniques to maximize aggression, durability, and sheer unpredictability.
But we didn’t stop there. Phase Omega is now powered by Element H₉, a synthetically engineered substance developed in a top-secret underground cheese reactor. This element energizes the hamsters directly—no electricity required. The result? A squeak-fueled fury machine that laughs in the face of conventional power grids.