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I cried to God, spending all night in prayer, I begged him to save me from this nightmare. But I, in my emotional state, was blinded by one crucial fact. That fact being that God is the God of the jews. So when he descended at night he asked me to pay tzedakah.
"My lord, I do not have shekels to spare," I said in a murmuring voice.
"Fear not, for you will not being paying with the things of this world but your life," God replied.
"I am ready ya rabb, take my life!" I hastily exclaimed.
Then God spoke and my heart went dead, "No goy, I'm sending you to Gaza to be ripped apart by the IDF."
"Will I finally lose my inceldom, o elohim?" I said excitedly.
"Shut your ♥♥♥♥♥ ass up!" God commanded.

Suddenly I woke up in a POW camp in an Israeli occupied section of Gaza. I was blindfolded, my neck was being stepped on, my body was laid stomach down on the floor. I heard the voice of an Israeli soldier.
"This is it," I thought, "my inceldom will be no more. Virgins await me in Jannah."
But I did not lose my inceldom, instead I just had a knife run through my scrotum. My body swiftly died of shock from the pain inflicted on me. I awoke, or rather my soul awoke, in an even darker place. It was Sheol.

Sheol was worse than anything that I could have ever imagined. There was no fire, torturers, or anything like that. There were only jews. Millions of them. Stretching back to the time of Jacob (PBUH). It was a society, much like our capitalist one, but completely Jewish. There was no day-night cycle there, there was no end to work, no time to rest contrary to biblical accounts. More than that, all commodities had awful prices; you had to haggle for everything, there were no fixed prices.

Worst of all, the mog never stopped. Not only did the jews money-mog me even in tartarus but the 10 foot nephilim took all the foid spirits for themselves. Even with infinite time my inceldom was guaranteed. My sole thought there was that I must plot against the jews. I must find him

It was a while before anything substantial happened. Since being trapped there I tried finding the only man that could stop this nonsense. Unfortunately I found no luck, that is, until one day. I kept hearing rumors about this man with a singular testicle, at first I thought "No, it can't be," but the details kept piling up. It was him. The following day, I hitchhiked on a seraph to the containment facility of this man, and what I saw was horrific.

Adolph had his body contorted into a hakenkreuz shape, most likely by God. He was surrounded by a concentric wall of angels preventing him from escaping to any other part of Sheol. I felt at a loss, there was no way I could break him out of a prison like this. But then I remembered, Hamas. Every day, they get martyred. I must find them and collect them to achieve our final victory.

The situation had taken a rather disappointing turn though. I was able to find the martyrs of Hamas, but they completely rejected my proposal of freeing the mustache man from his angelic prison. Their reason being, and I quote, "he was among the tyrants of the kuffar." But, I did convince them to join me in retrieving a little something that could help in freeing us from the grip of these golems: The foreskin of the founding Jew (Abraham). My thought process was that if we reattach the foreskin it will break the jews' covenant with God freeing the world of this talmudic evil. At the time I had not a single clue where it could found, or if it was even in Sheol. I though this could have been a fools errand, but we had infinite time so I did not care.

And indeed one day we had found Abraham's foreskin, possibly after centuries, but we have had no opportunity to reattach it to him. Some of the martyrs said that we should just attach it to some random jew, but I thought that was a bad idea. There was no guarantee that attaching it to some random jew will break the covenant. Again, we had all the time to kidnap Abraham, but it was certainly not an easy task.

Verily the jews guarded him well, he is their father after all, but not well enough. All jews have one weakness: shekels. We had all of our Hamas operatives dressed as anthropomorphic shekels whilst I made my way to father Avraham. When I met him, I said "shalom alaichem", and he said "walaikum". I should have known he was a muslim. This made the situation far more complicated as it meant he could explode at any moment thus resetting our progress during the reattachment. But we had to make due.

When he was captured, we wasted no time in performing the reattachment. Every time he was about to explode we wish peace and blessings upon the prophet of God, his companion, and his lineage; this alongside reading quran verses seemed to calm him down. When they were done we had expected to reverse the covenant, but God wasn't done with us.

God descended. He saw our mischief, and he saw that the mischief wasn't good. Swiftly, He destroyed the Hamas martyrs, giving them true death in Sheol. He was about to kill me too, but then He saw that Abraham's foreskin was still intact. So He questioned me.
"Why is it uncut?" He asked.
"He never cut it," I answered, "It was merely a trick so that you may give him blessings."
"Then what are you doing here?"
"He was about to get it cut. He was embarrassed, he didn't want you to know so he staged his kidnapping so that we may give him circumcision"
"Fair enough," God said, "But for his deception I will take my covenant away from him and his lineage. For you, you're causing too many problems, get out of here."
And before you knew it I woke up back at my anti-homeless bench. I couldn't believe it, the world suddenly was jew-free! Now I can sleep well on my coin fueled anti-homeless bench knowing that at my minimum wage job my labor is being exploited by a true patriot.