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I sexually Identify as Garlic Bread. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaking in a pool of butter and garlic. People say to me that a person being garlic bread is Impossible and I’m retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon injecting dough into my body and am going to be covered in garlic butter all day. From now on I want you guys to call me "Papi John" and respect my right to smell awful after 2 hours. If you can’t accept me you’re a garliphobe and need to check your bread privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.