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This man’s pushing 30, and the only thing he's committed to is dying 10,000 times to the same boss in Dark Souls — and somehow learning absolutely nothing from it. He’s out here fighting dragons and demons like a digital knight, but can’t fight the urge to microwave dino nuggets at 3AM.

Bro’s so deep into Soulslike games, he thinks "emotional vulnerability" is just another attack pattern to dodge. He'll spend six hours memorizing a boss's move set, but ask him to hold a conversation with a woman? Instant rage quit.

He thinks Elden Ring is peak literature but hasn’t read a book since the Scholastic Book Fair. He's got every item in the game, except a job and a healthy sleep schedule. His idea of “leveling up” is putting more points into “Rolling Away from Responsibility +10.”

Signed by ur actual grandpa

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