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Okabe Rintaro

From STEINS;GATE

I want to scream my lungs out.
Until I vomit no more words.
'Cause there's no way fate is this cruel.

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I want to scream my lungs out.
Until I vomit no more words.
'Cause there's no way fate is this cruel.

View more info

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STEINS;GATE 0 Poems - Contains Heavy Spoilers !!!

Okabe's despair

K‑Kurisu…?

…No. No, no, no!!
You... you can’t be here!
You died. I... I killed you with my own hands, don’t you remember? I saw it. With my own eyes.
Your blood, your breath, everything… gone.

Am I dreaming again? Another clinic nightmare?
Is the Beta world line cracking?
Or… or did I die?
Am I already dead?
Is this my punishment? The afterlife?

No. Hallucination. It has to be.
I’m losing it.
Yes… yes, that’s it.
Insanity.
Finally. A fitting end for me.

Forgive me, Mayuri.
Forgive me, Maho.
Forgive me, Kurisu.
Forgive me for giving up.

I can’t... I can’t do anything anymore. Do you hear me!?
I’ve twisted time until it bled dry.
I broke their hearts, again and again and again.
All for my selfish goal to save Mayuri.

And in the end… we destroyed it. The Time Leap Machine you built with your own hands.
Ashes. Gone.

There’s no road left. No past to change.
I failed.
I failed you, Kurisu.
I failed everyone.

Suzuha promised, Beta would save us, Beta would fix everything.
She was wrong.
She lied.
Or maybe I lied to myself.

I crawled out of one nightmare, Mayuri’s death.
Only to wake up inside another.
Where you’re the one who has to die.

Why?
Why won’t God forgive me?
Is it such a sin just to want to escape fate?

I’m powerless.
No matter how hard I claw, how loud I scream, it all converges back, back, back.
The attractor field swallows everything...
Back to what it wants.
Back to what God wants.

Daru... still building that machine.
What’s the point?
This world line is a coffin.
We’re trapped.
Better to close my eyes. Pretend I don’t see.
Ignorance. Sleep. Oblivion.

Forgive me, everyone.
Forgive me, Kurisu.
I can’t do this without you.
I’m too weak.

…Hououin Kyouma?
The mad scientist?
The bringer of chaos?

He’s gone.
He was never real.
Just a mask.
A ragged puppet I built out of scraps of delusion and theatrics so I wouldn’t have to be me.

I’m Okabe Rintaro.
A coward.
A man who breaks and breaks and breaks...
Myself, my friends, the world.

I shattered their dreams.
I sacrificed world line after world line.
I failed to save the one closest to me.

Every laugh, every monologue, every “El Psy Kongroo”...
Empty echoes in a dead lab.
Chuunibyou nonsense.

But that’s fine.
The mask was brighter.
The mask was worth loving.
I wasn’t.

???'s despair

Uncle Okarin.
You don’t know what you’ve done by this.
You don’t know the pain you caused to me.

I came from a future
where the sky was never blue.
Where gunfire replaced lullabies
and sirens taught children how to sleep.

Five point seven billion gone.
Humans reduced to ash and numbers.
Cities erased so completely
no one remembered what stood there.

I grew up learning how to run.
How to hide.
How to survive another day,
fearing it might be my last.

I held my mother
as she died in my arms.
I don’t remember her words.
Only the warmth
that faded.

A time machine built from scraps and hope.
By my father.
By Daru.
By a man who believed
the future could be rewritten.

Makise Kurisu.
You had her.
The key.
The miracle.

But you wouldn’t jump.
Why?
Why wouldn’t you be Hououin Kyouma?
Why wouldn’t you change the past?

You allowed this to happen.
You let everything converge back.

And now I stay here
in a present that hasn’t burned yet.
A world that still laughs.
Not knowing what tomorrow will take from it.

But I have seen it all already.
Every step that led us there.
Every mistake that cost a life.
Every home that became a battlefield.

I will relive it.
Again.

I will lose her again.
I will watch the war rise again.
I will grow up under black clouds again.
Knowing this was the moment it could have been prevented.

I want to scream my lungs out.
Until I vomit no more words.
Because there’s no way fate is this cruel.

And yet… it is.

Dad… Daru…
I failed…
Something went wrong!
I don’t know what.
But forgive me…

It’s not your fault, it’s mine.
I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed I failed
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
I shattered your dream to reach Steins Gate.
Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me!

The date is July 28th, the year 2010.
I’ll remember this day.
The day when the world line could have been saved.
And it wasn’t.

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