British Escorts Anyone can tell you that I love pussy. My whole life revolves around staring at pictures of it and reviewing the experience. Sometimes, though, I get a feel for it. Escorting is the easiest and cheapest way to get my penis wet, but the Internet has simplified the process. sites like uEscort.com list them by location.

I think the "U" in uEscort stands for UK, because that's where all the listings are. People from other countries have to look elsewhere. The site is only a few years old, yet it gets over 250,000 hits a month, which shows that it has users. The counter at the top says they currently list 1,054 adult work escorts.

High-Class Lasciviousness in Your Area

uEscort has a very sleek and classy look to it. The header is clean white on black with the same blue highlights that extend down the page. The logo is simple and elegant, but it is hard to tell if it is simply a stylized u or if it is meant to resemble something else. The top of the front page is dotted with dozens of city names that jump right to local hookers in London, Birmingham, and Leeds.

The first thing you'll really notice about the site, however, is the escorts listed on the front page. Holy Living Mother of Fuck. These are not the snaggle-toothed bitches who suck cock for meth money in the back of the grocery store. These are not even the passable fuckable bitches you find on most escort sites around the world. uEscort's front page looks more like Victoria's Secret than a place to find hookers.

The blurred faces of some of the women are evidence of this, which would be ridiculous if they were just selling lingerie. They look like supermodels, no kidding, so gorgeous you'd think they stole them from a modeling agency.

There are brunettes with perfect bodies and faces taking sexy mirror selfies, and blondes kneeling in boots and lingerie. Both are in London, and there's also a cute Asian in a police outfit and an ebony goddess showing off her legs. The Latina lying naked in the grass is Manchester. All are in their early 20s and the photos are tagged Diamond and VIP.

uEscort requires no sign-up or login, making it a quick and easy site to use if you're looking for hooker hookers. Find a girl in your area, make sure she is on, and ask her out.

Check out these gorgeous escorts

You will probably want to keep scrolling down the front page, because the ladies are going to make it hard to choose. If you do keep scrolling, the same diamond escorts will pop up a couple of times. There is a woman who looks like Ariana Grande. She does GFE but I can't see the other services she offers unless I log in.

When you finally run out of diamond girls, gold and silver escorts appear on the screen. I just saw for the first time a male escort on uEscort, a stallion whose gigolo name is a play on Rocco Siffredi. The front page shows a few more pop-ups, but not many. This site is primarily for women.

I know there are trannies on this site because the header says so. If you like cocks with dicks, just click on them and you will find them.

I searched for a few minutes and couldn't even find uEscort's FAQs or information on advertising prostitutes. I think the Diamond, Gold, and Silver rating system is based on hotness, as there is a slight but noticeable decrease as you scroll down the page. There is also a voting button on each girl's profile page.

Scrolling through the girls whose profiles are accompanied by jewelry and metal, many of the girls look like models. There are many girls who look like regular slutty chicks who will put up for a few bucks, but there are also many who look suspicious.

Are these sluts the real deal?

At the bottom of this page is a picture of a chick without the VIP tag. It is a shot from behind, so you can see her round ass perfectly as she kneels in front of the boat. She's wearing a tiny pink bikini and luxuriating on a tropical island bay.

What is odd about this 28-year-old, London-based woman is the literal flag at the top of her photo. The large, red flag reads "SUSPICIOUS" (dangerous).

I took a look at this Ebony Babe's profile and it was not much different than others I have seen. This chick doesn't show her face in a way that I don't think is typical for uEscort. She is model hot, but that is normal here. She does not have any comments.

I did not see any other escorts with questionable flags in their pictures. I did however see some with comments suggesting they are fake. Someone took the time to write under a supposed 24 year old Russian beauty in London, "She is nothing like the girl in the picture. Fake profile."

You cover your ass and they cover theirs.

If prostitution is the oldest profession, fraud is the second. It just comes with the territory and it is largely up to you to cover your ass. Having said that, you can't hire a hooker on a site that has nothing to offer.

Not much to say about uEscort. The bottom of the page is hard to find due to the scroll-forever layout, but if you get there, you will find the following.

"At uEscort you will find the most beautiful escort girls in England.

They are demanding, but in some mysterious way that only they know how to do. Reading a little further, it says "Guarantee."

"uEscort is the only site that can guarantee care and discretion regarding the services offered. We closely monitor the activities and advertising of our escorts so you can fully enjoy them without stress."

Basically complete gibberish, followed by bizarre claims that I wish were true and false at the same time. It means that they monitor the ads and then watch the actual fucking game.

This is barely a criticism of uEscort. All escort sites operate in a gray area of the law and are full of both legalese and bullshit advertising terms intended to cover their asses. When hiring a prostitute, proceed with caution, as has been the case at any time in history.

The Inconvenient and Paper-thin Path

One criticism of uEscort is that you have to log in to see the service and search by feedback. Most escort sites do not make you sign up or register to take almost full advantage of the site. Typically, only the ability to comment is locked. Here, some of the most common functions are locked.

Given that many profiles look suspicious, it is definitely better to browse only girls who have positive feedback from guys who have fucked them. I also need to know what they are trying to do to me.

When I provide an email address to sign up for something, I worry more about potential spam than anything else. Everyone already knows that I am a pervert. But setting up a fake email address is easy.

uEscort.com seems to have a problem with fake profiles, but that could be said for any escort site. They get enough activity that people I know are sleeping through the site, and I am sure they are being as discreet as all you need to be.