Some of you old-timers remember when banging a hooker meant trolling the seedy side of town, trying not to get shanked by a bum while getting a toothless beej from a crackwhore. The Internet has sure changed things, huh? These days, it’s safer and easier to find a girl to give you a handy for money. The girls at Angels of London are more than a few steps up from the local lot lizards, too.

AngelsOfLondon.com operates under the motto, “Maximum Pleasure Very Discreet”. It doesn’t take a fucking genius to guess what they’re offering, especially with all the hot sluts lining up and down the front page. These guys are dedicated to helping you find the escort of your dreams in London. I know your balls are pretty backed up from all that social distancing, so maybe it’s time to look into getting them serviced by a beautiful lady of the night.

Beautiful Hoes in a Refined Package

They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, but we all know that’s mostly bullshit. Those busty thumbnails out on the landing page are going to be the first thing that hooks you, no matter how intellectual you think you might be. It’s not just the beautiful ladies that catch my eye, though, but the whole presentation. There’s a classiness to AngelsOfLondon, a refined and sophisticated vibe with an upscale logo and a luxurious red theme.

But let’s look at those girls, huh? The fanciest meat market in the world ain’t shit if all they’ve got for sale is discount hot dogs made of chicken beaks and pork buttholes. I’m glad to say that ain’t the case around here. Angels of London currently has 115 top-shelf escorts ready to show you a good time. These girls are fucking beautiful, as evidenced by every photo I see.

A lot of the escort sites I review here at ThePornDude are basically classified ad websites where hookers, erotic masseuses and dominatrixes can offer up their sexual wares. AngelsOfLondon is an agency operating their own site, which offers multiple advantages. For one thing, they’ve got babes in all shapes, sizes and colors, and they’re all fucking beautiful. This is no grab-bag of washed-up MILFs and trailer park fatties. These are legit pros, chosen by legit pros.

Another advantage is that you can see all of the escorts’ faces, and all of the photos are real. Other escort sites are full of girls hiding their faces or straight-up catfishing motherfuckers with pictures they bought off Shutterstock, but that’s not an issue here.

This agency is pretty fucking committed to helping customers find what they want. Besides the advanced search engine I’m about to play with, they’ve also got a dedicated staff on call 19 hours a day to help you out.

You’ve probably already guessed from the name, but AngelsOfLondon.com can’t really help you get laid outside of London. They do cover a lot of territory, though, from Mayfair to Chelsea, Kings Cross to Bayswater, Earls Court to Notting Hill. Kensington, Knightsbridge and South Kensington are also well-served, but there is a note that some of their hard-working working girls are willing to travel for their valued clients.

Enter Lady Parameters, Escort-Seeking Man

By default, I think the front page of AngelsOfLondon shows you all the girls they’ve got to offer. Do you ever have trouble choosing what to watch on Netflix? That’s kind of how I feel right now, except my boner is throbbing a lot harder than when it’s just a choice between Tiger King and Black Mirror.

The girls are uniformly beautiful, but I love the variety. There’s an Asian girl whose profile pic says she’s Featured and Recommended, and a sexy little Russian blonde with a Selfie Included. Lots of Russian and Eastern European fill out the ranks, with a smattering of British girls, Moldovan babes and a couple of scrumptious Italian broads.

I got a laugh out of the search engine’s instructions to “enter lady parameters.” They must have hired some neckbeard from Reddit to build the thing, but at least it’ll probably be good. You can search by name if you’re already familiar with the girl you want to bone. Most of you will be more interested in the Location, Hair Colour, Body Type and Price dropdowns.

The prices for Incalls and Outcalls are listed right on the thumbnails, with most girls asking a reasonable 200-300 pounds. That price dropdown will let you go hella premium or slum it with girls starting at 150 pounds. The lowest price narrows it down to just a few dozen Angels of London, but good goddamn, there are some serious beauties on this list.

Body types are broken into petite, slim, athletic and curvy, with a rich selection of whores representing each. Likewise for the blondes, brunettes, redheads and black-haired beauties.

I was about to bitch that the search filters end there, but then I noticed an almost hidden Preferred Services link. Hit it, and you’ll get a pop-up menu of escort service acronyms. A lot of escort sites have a glossary for these things, and I was hoping to find it in the AngelsOfLondon.com Gentlemen’s Guide, but no dice. You can use the site to find girls willing to do COB, CIM, DFK, or GFE, but you’ll have to find out what they stand for on another website.

Beautiful Girls in Your Price Range

A lot of services are listed a bit more explicitly once you dig into the actual profiles. I checked out one of the newest Angels of London, a 21-year-old exotic babe who reminds me of Rhianna. The bisexual babe offers deep throating, with swallowing for just 50 extra pounds. Throw in another hundred and you can give her the DP.

You’ll see a more detailed breakdown of an escort’s prices on her profile page as well. I found a stunning young Russian with enormous 38DD titties offering 200-pound incalls for an hour, 1300 for an overnight stay, and a range of options in the middle. Whatever your price range is, you can find a good time here.

The only problem with the newer girls on the site is that they don’t always have reviews. One of the things I really like about Angels of London is their built-in customer review sections. It’s one of the best ways of judging how much the experience is really going to be worth. Unfortunately, during my visit, I noticed that most of the girls don’t have any reviews posted yet. Hopefully, that changes in the future, because reviews really are one of the best features on a site like this.

Plus Some Free Erotica

One thing I found on AngelsOfLondon.com that I’ve never seen on another escort site is their extensive collection of erotica. I saw Erotica in the header and figured they had a few throwaway photos just to pad the content on their website. Boy, was I wrong. They’ve got around 650 free porno stories to read and jack off to.

The stories are typically escort-themed, so they’re helpful for getting some ideas about what to do with your paid lady friend tonight. A selection of hirable babes are featured alongside each story, further getting those gears going.

My biggest complaint about AngelsOfLondon.com is probably the mystery acronyms that aren’t explained in the Gentlemen’s Guide. The Guide is over 250 articles deep at this point, so it’s definitely got a good wealth of information. It might be an overabundance, in fact, as newbies often look for a sort of quick-start guide. It’s honestly not really the site’s duty to hold your hand through it all, but some websites do offer an easy-access FAQ for first-timers.

I’ll be honest; I wasn’t actually planning on hiring a hooker in London anytime soon. It’s far away and everyone’s still worried about COVID. After browsing AngelsOfLondon.com, I’m considering just huffing some virus-killing Lysol and booking a flight. If you’re actually in or around London, you may as well take a look at the local babes in your area. It doesn’t cost anything to browse, but you just might end up using the Whatsapp number to make a booking tonight. These girls are fucking beautiful.