ColorClimax! I throw the word retro around like it’s going out of style, but I’m actually on point this time. ColorClimax is literally a retro pornography site with a gigantic library of ancient pornographic movies, all of which are full-length and available for viewing. There’s a lot to be said about this fantastic porn site and the level of quality they’re bringing to the table. The smut on the site seems to be coming in from one source, the Color Climax catalog. There’s a lot of history to be unpacked behind that name, but I’ll spare you the details.

In short, Color Climax was a Danish company formed by two brothers who had their hearts set on being porn producers and distributors. They created Color Climax with the hopes that it would become the most incredible porn company in the world, and they had a real shot at it, too. Back then, they were working against the law, but today these videos are made retroactively legal. So that’s how we can view them today on the Color Climax site. They’re retro movies that used to be illegal materials, but they’re now basically vanilla compared to the average western porn flick.

Danish Porn Magics

Times were tough back in the 60s when this shit first came out. Most western countries were fighting pornography like it was the plague. This kind of smut was considered grossly indecent. Showing cocks and pussies on camera was extremely taboo, even in places where it was perfectly legal. I have to appreciate that we’ve come a long way since then. Still, the laws back then did their damage, and most of the videos that Color Climax had produced for decades went largely unseen by the world. Yes, they were technically successful, and yes, they sold millions of copies. I’m aware of that. Still, they were pushed underground and were never allowed mainstream success. Well, this website is here to rectify that. Now, you can watch the original Color Climax full-length movies from anywhere in the world. And that’s precisely the type of respect these flicks deserve.

So, what kind of porn are we actually looking at? Well, it’s mostly the vanilla guy on girl fucking scenes, in various sexual positions. Blowjobs are also extremely common. There are also two girls on one guy pairings across most of the videos with a few trans chicks and some gay shit thrown into the mix as well. There don’t seem to be any actual limits to the pairings, but the genres are more or less non-existent. It’s all one identical genre. People are fucking, and the camera is recording the action. There’s not much more to be said about the damn framing of these videos. The brothers behind Color Climax might have been enthusiastic, but they didn’t precisely contribute anything new to porn. They just made more porn exist. Personally, I’m not complaining. We get to see what sex looked like in the 60s, in stunning color.

Top Notch Video, Shit Audio

Speaking of color, all of the videos are in color. I was under the impression that color cameras were hard to come by back in the 60s, but this was near the turn of the century, so I guess that’s why they managed to make it work. It probably cost them an arm and a leg, but it was worth it. There’s also the upside of knowing that these videos are not digital recordings, meaning that the original quality isn’t lost now that they’re being re-released in a higher resolution. These movies look damn fine, considering how old they are.

They’re far from 1080p, but that doesn’t matter much because they’re not unnecessarily compressed, and all of the original quality is very much retained. These videos are all top-notch. They look better than half of all the smut I’ve been jerking off to lately.

However, one thing that really throws me off about the movies is that most of them are voiced over after the act. The sound is added in post. So, you’ve got two chicks and a guy getting it on and whatnot, but you’re hearing them in the booth, later on, making sex noises for over 50 minutes so that those sounds can be laid over the recording. It’s painfully obvious that this isn’t the original audio, and I hate it. I’d rather watch these things without any audio than listen to random-ass voice-overs while I’m trying to get immersed into the action.

Too Many Fucking Voices

The voice-overs aren’t bad. In fact, I think they did a great job with what they had. But they also mixed in softcore instrumental music, with flutes and guitars casually strumming at full volume. So, between that and the sounds of the added moaning, the sound feels like a catastrophe. You’re better off just turning the sound way down and pretending that you’re a deaf-mute. The movies also have a lot of dialogue. The movies are long, and most scenes have a ton of warm-up during which there’s no actual fucking. The actors are just sort of joking around and having a good time, cracking jokes and whatnot. That’s all well and good, but it comes off kind of cringe at times because you can tell the lips don’t match up with what’s being said.

Sometimes it even feels like there are too many voices considering the action on screen. I’ll explain what I’m talking about. Imagine a scene featuring a girl being fucked by two dudes by the pool, and the camera is a good 20 feet away from them. They’re sucking and fucking, and you hear three people randomly moaning into a microphone that is clearly inches from their face. The moaning alternates, but it’s loud. It’s incredibly distracting because it’s clear that this sound couldn’t possibly be coming from the action you’re watching on screen. Oh, and let’s not forget, you’re listening to soft elevator music the entire time. The music is too loud; the voices are too loud; everything is too damn fucking loud.

Your Grandma Was a Hot Piece of Ass

Let’s get to the good part. The pussy. These bitches are fucking hot. I didn’t know that we had invented bitches this hot back in the day, but apparently, they were all hiding out in Denmark at the time. I’ve seen American porn from the 60s, and it looked nothing like this. Even in the 70s and later, the Americans were afraid to shave pussies and show perfect bodies. Most porn stars looked like out-of-shape MILFs. Well, you get none of that noise from these videos. These babes are 100% certified fresh. They’re young (18+), hot, fit, and their pussies are shaven, most of the time at least. Their bodies are fucking fantastic. It pains me to think that these babes are now geriatric women who probably smell of rye and cornbread.

As for the dudes, well, they’re circumcised. Seriously, what the fuck? I didn’t know circumcisions were this popular across Western Europe in the fucking 60s and 70s. Maybe all the dudes were Jewish or something. That would certainly explain it. But I doubt that these many pasty white-ass dudes are all Jewish. It’s likelier that this was just a trend of the times. And in case you care, the dudes are also quite buff and fit with nice clean bodies that don’t get in the way of the action too much. My favorite kind of dudes in porn are the kinds that just get the job done and stay out of my way. I don’t want to see close-ups of their faces or whatever. And to that end, these guys do a great job.

To think, all of this started over five centuries ago with a nudie mag in a small western European country that half of you haven’t even heard of. It’s damn impressive. As a porn historian, I am thrilled to see that this treasure trove of ancient pornography is now finding a way back into relevance with a dedicated website that’s charging subscriptions for access. The site is part of AdultPrime, but you can subscribe to it directly and avoid the network altogether if you’d like. You’ll still have to be on the AdultPrime network, though, using their websites and seeing their cross-promotion offers for some fucking reason. They’re pretty annoying. I wish they’d just let Color Climax be.

As of right now, they’re charging $120 for a yearly membership and $20 for a monthly subscription. This gives you complete access to all of the videos under the network. So consider which bracket fits you best and dive into the retro smut. If you’re curious to see how your grandparents used to have sex, this is the website for you.