Heated Affairs calls itself the World’s Largest Cheating Site, which is kind of a bold-ass claim for a joint getting just a tenth of the traffic they’re pulling over at Ashley Madison. Then again, a tenth of ten million is a pretty fucking deep pool of potential partners, so I ain’t ready to start scoffing just yet. In fact, looking at those traffic stats made me even more eager to get inside and see who needs a bit of PornDude dick on the side. If it happens to be your wife, well, it’s nothing personal, friend.

I’m sure you can totally understand, seeing as you’re here reading this review. It’s a little hard to claim innocence when you’re looking up info on HeatedAffairs.com, a dating site aimed at cheating spouses. Now, the site has been around in some form or another for a while now, with a domain registered in 2013 and a copyright date stretching all the way back to 1996. They caught my attention because traffic has gone way the fuck up over the last few months, nearly quadrupling from the beginning of the year. This is the kind of site where the more, the merrier, so let’s see how those visitor numbers translate to hookup opportunities.

Who Wants to Have Some Heated Affairs?

What is it with dating sites and hookup sites not wanting to give you a peek at anything before signing up? That’s actually a rhetorical question, because as a webmaster myself, I totally understand. Once you’re signed up, you’re a lot more likely to engage with the site, which makes you a lot more likely to pay for any premium services. I always wonder how many potential users they’re losing by giving us almost nothing out front aside from the beginning of the registration forms.

The Heated Affairs landing page offers the typical low-info setup I’ve come to expect from these sites. Aside from calling themselves the World’s Largest Cheating Site, there are a few bullet points listing the perks: Find friendship, online affairs and cheating spouses; Flirt, chat, see sexy member photos and video; Married dating advice and much more!

The only truly useful info listed out front is their number of members. While it ain’t much data to work with, it’s a big, impressive number that hints at a whole lot of opportunities to get some strange tonight. As of this writing, HeatedAffairs has nearly 50 million members. That’s considerably more people than in the entire state of California, so I’m hoping a few of those cuckolding housewives are in my area.

Most of the front-page text is just tiny-ass footer notes, not necessarily meant to be read by most visitors. There are copyright dates and operator addresses, and a note saying they don’t do criminal background checks on members, but neither does anybody else. Interestingly, they also state that “Persons appearing in photographs may not be actual members. Other data for illustrative purposes only.” Goddamn, I hope they’re just talking about the stock photo of a man’s hand around a woman’s waist they’ve used as the background image.

Get Laid or Just Look at Dirty Amateur Vids

It doesn’t really matter how hard you or I wish for sneak peeks of dating sites. Until it’s a standard feature everywhere, I think it will be standard to have a no-peeks setup like HeatedAffairs. With that in mind, I started filling out the signup form, telling them I’m a Man looking for a Woman.

They’re an inclusive site, so aside from the usual man-seeking-woman configurations, there are options for couples, groups, and TS/TV/TG members. I like how the couples options are very specific, allowing you to choose MF, MM or FF. That kind of specificity should make it easier to find what we want once we get inside.

HeatedAffairs.com gets a little more open about their perks and benefits once you start answering the questions. One of those perks is over 250,000 sexy member videos. They show you some snippets in a video player along the sidebar, like bikini mirror selfies, webcam twerking, and a lovely Asian chick saying, “Hi, honey. I’d like to share something with you,” before teasing us with her cleavage.

There’s another video player beneath that one, this time letting you know that Heated Affairs also has a few thousand Live Member Webcasts. Basically, it sounds like they’ve built a cam site into their hookup site. It’s become a more common feature for the genre, though it often feels very separate from the dating aspect, almost like an afterthought or a barely related monetization strategy.

HeatedAffairs.com ramps up the sexiness with each page of the signup page, which is frankly a fucking genius strategy. By the time they ask for an email address, they’re showing you fully nude boob-polishing shower scenes, close-up dildo masturbation videos, and a few blowjobs. I spotted a couple small-time pornstars and fetish models among them, so either Heated Affairs has one of the greatest userbases of any hookup site, or those are the “illustrative” images they mentioned.

Proving I Am the Real Porn Dude

The basic signup forms only take a few minutes to fill out, and then the validation email comes through instantly. It’s always a good idea to spend a little more time filling out your profile and seeing what the other options are that they haven’t walked you through yet. I uploaded a photo to start with, because you ain’t going to get laid without one. That said, you could always look around first before you decide to invest more time on your profile.

One thing I noticed in the profile area that I really fucking liked was their identity verification. HeatedAffairs lets users prove they’re real with government ID, and rewards them for doing so with a little icon. It’s not mandatory, but profiles with that icon are a lot more trustworthy. Dating sites in general are hotbeds of scamming, so I’m consistently surprised that more hookup sites don’t have similar verification features.

Before I uploaded my driver’s license, though, I wanted to see what we were working with. There ain’t much sense in signing up for a ghost town or a sausage party, at least not in my case. Fortunately, it turned out they weren’t bullshitting about all the members. I’m in the Chicago Suburbs today, and HeatedAffairs quickly found thousands of available women in my area.

That’s the good news, but can you guess what the bad news is? Yeah, it’s the same story as most dating sites: you can’t do all that much without a paid account. For starters, you only get to see a page of those search results instead of the thousands they found for you. On that singular browsable page, I spotted a really gorgeous MILF in my town and clicked on her pretty face. Instead of seeing her profile, I got sent to the HeatedAffairs.com signup page.

But How Am I Going to Cheat Tonight?

As a free member, I can theoretically view profiles and message members who’ve paid extra for Standard Contacts. Unfortunately, there’s no way for free users to search for those members. The Standard Contacts feature costs $25 a month on top of the regular membership price, but I can’t see it being worth the scratch.

A regular month of full access to all the profiles, videos and photos will cost you $40 a month, which is a pretty penny. Even the yearly rate breaks down to twenty bones a month, which may or may not be worth it. I think it depends a lot on where you live and what you’re looking for, so at the very least, I’d recommend signing up for a free account to see how many women are listed in your area.

While HeatedAffairs.com ain’t the cheapest dating site out there, the focus on married cheaters makes the membership more worthwhile if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s a pretty fucking specific demographic, but Heated Affairs really does come through with a whole fucking ton of active members. I’ll be honest, my dudes, I feel like I’m going to make out like a horny fucking bandit around here, especially once I tell these married broads I’m a legit pornstar. Who wouldn’t want to fuck the guy from PornDudeCasting?