Legal Porno? Hey, pal. You looking for totally legit double penetration movies? How about fully aboveboard airtight orgies? I also know where to find some licit squirting flicks and lawful anal gaping films. You look like a real upstanding citizen, so I can tell you only want to see teens getting stretched out by multiple dongs in filthy porno movies that are completely within the law. Leave the other stuff to the hooligans with their switchblade knives, curse words, and tattoos. What you’re looking for is something along the lines of LegalPorno.

What’s in a (Totally Legal) Name?

I’m going to be honest with you. The first time somebody sent me the link to LegalPorno.com, I cleared my chat log and then microwaved my hard drive. The vast majority of porno on the Internet is legal, so to put it in the name like that makes me think something is maybe a little fishy. An undercover cop posing as a premium escort once told me it was totally legal for me to pay her for a blowjob and golden shower. Well, as soon as money changed hands all I bought was a one-way ticket to the sex offender database.

I’m a curious motherfucker, though, so when the URL kept coming up, I decided to take a look. At first glance, it looks like your basic free tube setup. There is a big grid of porno thumbnails that move if you hover your mouse over them, and goddamn this is some dirty shit.

The clips are initially sorted by Recommended, and it seems like LegalPorno knows exactly what I like. The first thumbnail has a bitch in fishnets down on her hands and knees and another bitch in fishnets sticking her whole goddamn foot up floor girl’s butthole. The next one promises a teen who “squirts nonstop” while being fucked by a room full of dudes. There’s interracial DP, BDSM orgies full of roughly crammed holes and tight straps, and acrobatic little teen nymphos doing double anal penetration.

A peek at that Studios page shows that LegalPorno is offering up cinematic sex from a number of studios. You won’t find the really big players like Reality Kings and Brazzers, but there is a good mix of newer outfits. Some of them have pretty revealing names when it comes to what they specialize in. I wonder what First Gape, Hairy Gonzo and American Anal are serving up.

You know, I suddenly think I understand how this site gets over 20 million visits per month. It’s all the dirty, filthy sex videos. I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. To be sure, I’ll have to do some scholarly research by clicking on this thumbnail of a beautiful woman’s asshole gaping from a brutal banging.

Maybe This Isn’t a Free Tube After All

Even before I pressed Play on the clip, I know something is a little bit off. There’s a big button at the top that says GET FULL VIDEO — Join Us. I start the video and it looks fantastic as the girl plays with a dildo the size of her fucking arm, but it’s unfortunately just a preview montage. It ramps up very quickly, and suddenly she’s surrounded by dudes sticking it in her from every angle while she moans and gags on flesh and sperm.

Three minutes later, she flashes a load of spunk on her tongue and then waves goodbye to the camera. I get another button saying I get the whole thing in full HD if I join. There’s no price or anything listed, so I’ll have to click see what’s up.

There’s still no price listed as I enter my email address and choose a password. The blurb on the side does say I can stream and download scenes and photos, suggest new scenes, and get a discount on paid content. Honestly, I’m mostly interested in the 1900+ free scenes they’re claiming.

And then boom. There it is. The next screen wants me to enter a credit card number. LegalPorno is asking 30 USD a month for access to their collection of dirty pornography. That’s the same price as everybody else unless you’re jerking it to fetish movies or really high-end lesbian scenes.

This feels a little bit like a bait-and-switch scam. The site looks like a free sex tube but then demands a sign-up when you try to watch. Then they offer you some “free” fuck movies and don’t admit that everything costs money until you’ve already given them your email address.

Talking About Convoluted Pricing Schemes

The pricing scheme on LegalPorno is a little bit convoluted. Thirty bones usually buys you unlimited access to everything on a paysite, but here it gets you a bunch of tickets. These tickets can be exchanged for porno. That triple penetration gaping video I was just trying to watch goes for 5.8 tickets, which they claim is “Up to 50% discount”. You can also buy the clip without a membership for $8.70.

Those “Free” movies they mentioned are only “free for members,” which is just another way of saying “premium content that totally isn’t free”. If you’ve only done the first stage of membership sign-up (typing in an email and password), you’re not considered a member. Members are people who pay, not anyone with an account.

I don’t like this payment structure at all, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. LegalPorno gets a lot of fucking traffic for a site with confusing fees, though. Again, there is an obvious explanation: this porno is really fucking dirty.

How Fucking Dirty Is It?

You know, I think I’m starting to understand the name. They want you to know that this is legal porno despite being a step or two above the vanilla shit your parents masturbate to. This shit is hardcore to the core. The newest scene added to the site features a freaky gang bang with a girl eating the fleshy pink rosebud that comes out of her costar’s ass after a savage anal pounding. That’s a meaty motherfucking salad this bitch tossing!

Group sex, gaping and getting multiple cocks per hole are recurring themes among all of the latest updates. There are around 3500 movies on LegalPorno of women stretching their rectums and vaginas into black chasms from which no light can escape. They’ve only got 132 scenes of triple anal penetration right now, but honestly? Who the fuck else has 132 scenes of triple anal penetration?

The Genres page on LegalPorno gives you quick access to your favorite filth on demand. It’s a pretty good, quick rundown on the depravity level of the site as a whole. You can find all the typical shit like Blondes, Brunettes, and Blowjob scenes, of course. You just see higher clip numbers than other sites for the real kinky shit like Ass Licking, Fisting, Huge Toys, Prolapse, and Gape Farts.

They’ve currently got over 1200 scenes of ATOGM action. For those of you unfamiliar with the rapidly changing world of pornographic acronyms, that one stands for Ass to Other Girl’s Mouth. Goddamn, I love a filthy whore!

LegalPorno certainly has some faults. I fucking hate that it looks like a free tube and doesn’t admit it costs money until you’ve signed up for some “free” teen squirting flicks. Porn paysite pricing schemes aren’t always the most clear-cut deals, but LegalPorno complicates the matter even more with their ticket system.

On the other hand, the absolute nastiness of the smut on display does a lot to make up for those faults. If you like seeing two or three dicks go into an orifice that can usually only accept one, this is a pretty goddamn good source for that. Likewise, if you’re into gaping and pervy shit like a pornstar with another pornstar’s foot up her asshole, this may just be your new jam.

LegalPorno will really appeal to masturbators who generally find hardcore pornography to be a little too soft. These guys serve up material from a number of studios, and each of them is putting out smut that really pushes the limits as far as what the human body is capable of and how far those holes are willing to stretch. Take a look if you’ve been meaning to bump your porn game to the next level of perversion.