I woke up this morning and said, “MILF me!” This is honestly a semi-regular occurrence for me, especially when I’ve been watching or reviewing a lot of cougar porno. I’m usually just talking to myself when it happens, openly wishing I could have a hot mama take care of my morning wood, so I’ll often pull up a porn tube or premium site to handle the issue. Imagine my surprise when I found out there’s actually a website calling itself MILFMe, and it aims to help pervs like me find a more hands-on solution to that aching lust for the Mothers I’d Love to Fuck.

As the sharp-witted detectives reading this have no-doubt deduced, MILFMe.com is a dating site for moms and the men who love them. That might sound a little like Tinder in your little shithole town, but I think the main difference is the emphasis on MILFs as opposed to moms you don’t want to fuck. With any luck, I ain’t going to find the same batch of desperate, overweight single moms I find on the shittier hookup sites. The site gets a good five million visitors a month, which is a promising sign to begin with. Let’s see who’s up for a chat and maybe more with the world’s most respected pornography enthusiast.

Ready, Set, MILF Me!

Right from the front page, MILF Me puts off a different vibe than your average modern dating site. There’s a stock photo of a gorgeous mom with a nice rack at the top of the page, and I think she looks a little like Natasha Nice, who I’ve banged on video over at PornDudeCasting. It ain’t an explicit photo, though, and it’d be safe-for-work in all but the most prudish churches. The same goes for the rest of the images on the page, which show fully dressed couples smiling and being wholesome. It’s a far cry from the dating sites where the front page is covered in shirtless musclemen embracing babes in lingerie.

They don’t even mention sex out front, but I have to assume the women on the platform have it. I mean, they wouldn’t be moms if they hadn’t gotten boned at some point. There’s a lot of adspeak about moms and MILFs looking for chats, meeting strangers and forming connections, all of it dancing around what a lot of us are really after. There aren’t even a lot of unique perks listed besides the focus on older women, but they do claim that thousands of new users sign up every day, and that “we can safely say that 99% of them will find a chat partner within minutes. We guarantee you a chat in less than 5 minutes.”

Registration and profile creation on MILFMe.com is fast and free. That’s honestly the same deal as you’ll find on just about any dating or hookup site, but they go on to say, “You won’t ever have to get a paid subscription in order to use our platform.” I’m pretty skeptical about that, because I review adult websites for a living and know how they usually work. With that in mind, I signed up for a free account to see what I’d be allowed to do.

Signing Up and Getting into MILFMe

I was able to sign up quickly and easily, but only after I stopped trying to use temporary email services. They rejected half a dozen fake emails before I finally gave in and gave them a Gmail address. This is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. It’s bad because you’ll have to give them a real address, which always increases your chance of spam. On the other hand, it’s nice to see that they’re taking measures against potential scammers using the platform to scam potential MILF hunters.

As a little bonus, they offered a hundred free coins just for confirming my email address. This was my first taste of MILFMe.com’s built-in currency system. The smallest package usually costs $7.49 for 200 coins. I’m typing this up between Christmas and New Years Eve, though, so they’re currently running a promo that doubles the volume of coins you get. As I write this, you can get 2000 for $35.

By the time I’d looked at the prices and typed up the above paragraphs, I’d already gotten a couple DMs. I guess it was a good day to say, “MILF Me”, huh? One of the messages is just a little intro from support, asking me to verify my email address. The other message was from a mama in the next town over, asking, “Are you already in a relationship or not? Sorry for my curiosity, but I want to know where I stand?”

When I get a message before I’ve posted a pic or even added any profile info, it always seems like a bot, so I asked, “Are you a bot?” As soon as I clicked Send, I got a message from MILFMe saying she received my message, and asking me again to verify my email for some more free coins. While I was doing that, I got another message from the MILF, asking my name and why I thought she was a bot.

It costs 50 coins to send a message. MILFMe.com claims not to charge you to “use our platform,” but you’re going to have trouble using it for much if you don’t top up your account. The big question is whether or not it’s worth it. I got more messages from more MILFs as I wrote the above paragraphs, but my account ain’t funded enough yet for full conversations. Before I did anything else, I wanted to see who else was using the platform.

Look At All These Thirsty MILFs

I went to the MILF Me Search page, where I found my town helpfully filled in already. The preselected age range is between 30 and 65, though you can adjust that to meet your own standards. Unfortunately, that’s it as far as search options go. You can’t enter your preferred body type, ethnicity, hair color, smoker status or religion, nor can you specify how far you’re willing to travel to meet a MILF. It’s kind of a shitty setup, because they are keeping track of that kind of info, with fields provided to type each of those data points into your profile. Come on! Let us search for that stuff!

The good news is that there does seem to be a healthy selection of ladies using the site. I’m off in the Chicago suburbs today, and I see about a dozen women in this city alone. The search results seem grouped by proximity, and there are tons more women to choose from in the surrounding towns. I quickly found a few babes I’d be willing to meet in person: a slim Asian babe, a blonde PAWG with a pretty face, and a hot brunette that I have a hard time believing is actually 44. That last one doesn’t even have kids according to her profile, but I guess she’s a MILF in spirit.

Two of those women messaged me, as did a few others whose MILFMe profiles I’d looked at. That’s in addition to all the other randos on the site who asked me if I was DTF, despite knowing nothing about me. If I have one complaint about the site, it’s that I don’t think all these MILFs in my DMs are real. I’m not sure if they bots or if they’re scammers, but if they’re real, I’ve stumbled into the thirstiest den of cougars I’ve ever encountered in my life.

I’m still getting more messages as I wrap this up, and if you ask me, they’re mostly red flags. At the same time, there might be some real local moms you’d like to fuck, just mixed in with all the fakes. My advice would be to sign up for a free account, but don’t use your coins replying to the random messages you get immediately after signing up. Instead, browse the selection of local women in your area. When you find one who looks promising, do your best to feel her out before topping up your account with real money. It’s really the same due diligence you should be doing anywhere. When you meet your match, be sure to say, “MILF Me!”