Because I can see the hype meter at 0
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Intro
Charles saw the chaos unfold before his eyes. Jon was running around screaming out the fact that everyone already knew.
“WE’RE GOING DOWN!”
“SOMEONE TAKE THE CAT!!” screamed Connor from the bridge
Charles saw Luke drop out of the side hatch with the cat just in time, because then those left in the ship hit the ground.



Chapter 1: Aftermath
Personally I never liked the term aftermath, it suggests work after everything was over, but in this case it is quite appropriate.
Charles is a tall bloke, and a proud British citizen. He had brown hair brown eyes a white complexion, a hooked nose with a mole on his left cheek. He could often be seen wearing jeans and a baggy T-shirt. He awoke to a reasonably pleasant tune. Or at least it would be reasonably pleasant if it were not being played by to steel pans on his head.
Charles “Ughhg… What’s the big idea you bloody bogen?” he mumbled
Connor “He’s alive Jon!”
Jon “Great.”
Connor “Well, what are you waiting for, dig him up!”
Jon “I hate you so much right now.”
Connor “Less yapping more digging, put your back into it!”
It was only then that Charles came into full focus. He was buried so that his head was the only thing sticking up from the desert sands. Standing over him were the two most prominent figures from his recent life, the crews captain, and the chief engineer; Connor and Jon.
Connor was tall and pale; he had a broad face and shoulders, and a very American air about him. He always wore orange, even when it looks like he isn’t, there’s orange somewhere on his body. But the most noticeable feature about him was his black curly hair. The crew liked to joke about it, calling it a “sheep”. It hung around his head, covering up his ears and bouncing as he walked.
Jon on the other hand was short, white as a vampire, and had a thin lanky figure. He had black hair that became red in the sunlight; it marked him as half Irish. He may look frail, but the kid these days was more machine than man. He is most famous on the ship for building this ship itself.

Charles was out of the hole in around 15 minutes from Jon’s digging and Connors yelling. He thanked them quickly, but the two were already bickering to each other.
Jon “I told you he would come back to us, you should have listened.”
Connor “I thought it would save us some time if we buried him then and there.”
Connor “Anyway, now that your back Charlie__
Charles “It’s just Charles.”
Connor “Okay Chuck, we’ve got work to do; Jon, brief the man.”
Jon “We were the only ones left on the ship when the crash happened thankfully. Connor here didn’t think you’d survive impact.”
Connor “Look here Jon, I woke up before him after the crash, and when I wake up before someone else they’re either drunk or dead.”
Jon “Sure; but anyway, we have to go and round up the rest of the crew. They should be relatively close by; and by relatively I mean within a 50 mile radius, so time to start looking.”
Charles “Whoa, whoa, whoa stop.”
Jon “Yes?”
Charles “If we were in the ship when it crash landed, shouldn’t the ship be somewhere around here?”
Connor “Oh, the ship? Yeah, it was eaten by giant spiders.”
Charles “I beg your pardon?”
Connor “It was eaten. By giant. Mothertrucking. Spiders.”
At this moment, you could physically see Jon shudder as he remembered his beautiful ship.
“Welp...” Charles patted Jon’s shoulder and used the phrase that was told to him every time something went wrong.
Charles “That’s rough buddy.”
Charles “One more question, where the sod are we?”
Connor “Well by the looks of the sand I’d say Paraguay.”
Jon “Connor we’re on an alien planet.”
Connor “Space Paraguay.”