Hello fellow clan members. Hope you are doing well in your miserable existences you call your lives. Our god and savior, Mike Zwiener, has been missing from the most true plane of existence that is the internet for some time now. I have assembled the band of misfits back together to search for our living treasure. Now, I am fully aware that many of you know who Zwiener is and what he is like, but in order to ensure his capture is a success I will describe him thoroughly.

Mike has a very deep echoing voice. It has made many a man very uncomfortable. I personally have nearly lost my sanity while listening to the audio recordings of his omegle calls while prostrating myself to my Zwiener altar. So, if you do hear a voice that makes you near-instantly cream your pants, you know who it is. He loves to wear jackets that have an edgy look to them. This is to ensure that the nonbelievers know that he is one that should not be messed with lest he smite them down. Finally, his hatred for the cursed-one, Wole, runs deep. It is ingrained in the Zweenie culture and has become a part of us. Most likely, that is where our god has gone. To wage war upon the demon and save us from his army of dark-skinned look-alikes. If you find a large gathering of black colored corpses, then you might be on the right path to finding our master.

I'm sure that all of you have been praying to your Zwiener crucifixes and asking for your wishes to be granted, but that won't happen if Zwiener himself is missing. We as a people must rise up and search for him. Unlike the Christians who simply continue praying and waiting for their lost god to return, we will band together and find our god and bring him back to our table. Good luck, Zweenies and may Zwiener be with you.