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I used to be addicted to soap.
But then I got clean.

A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.
The bartender said "Hey, what's with the wheel?"
The pirate replied "Arr, it's drivin me nuts!"

A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three.
He started to count, "Uno, dos"
*poof*
He vanished without a tres.

Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at once?
Because the sign says "No Trespassing"

A teacher wanted me to turn in my essay.
I said "Nah homes, I ain't no snitch"

I'll be here all week.