An uncompromisingly unpleasant experience. Nauseating visuals, a pulsating discordant soundtrack that occasionally goes completely berserk and gameplay that involves stealing organs to trade for stocks.

I'd highly recommend this game to fans of the following:
-Tactical Shooters
-Migraines
-Venture Capitalism

The actual shooting/stealth mechanics are pretty tight and the verticality of levels combined with the various items and equipment allows for completing levels in a great variety of ways. Loads of secrets to be found and equipment to unlock. An interesting, though obscured world and story that unfolds, with some hilarious references and inane dialogue.

10/10 would contract communicable schizophrenia again.

First off, Elden Ring,
Praise the Elden Ring

I feel this game deserves a full review. To start with, if you have played the original game and enjoyed it you will most likely enjoy this too, it keeps the same basic gameplay elements and draws a lot of parallels to cards from the original but it is superior in every way.

The basic premise of the game is using choices, skill and luck to complete scenarios and earn new cards for your deck (either equipment or encounters). The dialogue and stories in the various scenarios are often clever and at times brilliant, frequently changing up overused tropes to instead have unlikely allies and dastardly traitors. The general atmosphere of the game is probably its strongest suit (so to speak), the dealer is excellently voiced and his responsive jeering and taunting immerses you in the game; the soundtrack is also well crafted for the experience. The graphics and animations are generally very aesthetically pleasing, though they require reasonably hefty specs to run smoothly. The array of 'gambits' which challenge the player have improved vastly from the original and require strategy (in the use of items), skill and a fair amount of good old fashioned luck to win.

My main gripe with the game would be the combat. Although there is decent variety and some interesting ideas, unfortunately it can feel quite clunky and not especially precise at times. The enemies can sometimes travel halfway across the arena with an attack and hit from strange angles even after dodging. Additionally you can sometimes still be hit during special attacks and finishers which is frustrating. In saying this, there are some positives, the weapon and equipment variety keeps the game fresh and the requirement of different equipment and strategy for different foes is interesting.

Overall I'd highly reccomend this game to anyone seeking an immersive and unique gaming experience, that is both challenging and fun. Stick out the first few rounds as the game gets better as you unlock new adventures.

This game is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ legit! Feels mechanically quite similar to Hotline Miami but way more fleshed out and very aesthetically pleasing. Brutal fast paced twitch combat, satifying finishers and cinematic slow mo. Some degree of rpg elements with a progression system for abilities and a city type of area to explore and interact with. Stunning graphically, lots of intriguing aspects of the game world and cutscenes.

Have only played a short while so far but I'm very impressed, would reccomend.

What is this game, I don't remember buying it?

Training nothing but weapon skill and weilding a cursed blade that randomly deals 0-500% damage, Lousy the Bold tore through behemoths with a single slice, ending whole armies of gladiators on his own.

If there's one pearl of wisdom this game has taught me, it's that if you drive your van into a tree, make sure you're going at least 70 so you pass straight through it unharmed.

Couldn't drive on the train tracks which really killed the realism for me and lowered my total score to a 9/10

You are the sole survivor of a horrific nuclear accident that has caused everyday objects like springs, noses and dildos to come to life as horrifying disfigured creatures bent on stealing earths numbers. Armed only with some trash can lids and a vague understanding of basic arithmetic you set about righting the wrongs of these terrifying beings.

Alongside you is your trusty drug induced hallucination, a butterfly with hand and human eyes who dumps his load on unsuspecting Gruzzles. The gameplay is intense and fastpaced, revolving around thieving popular childrens items such as crayons, yachts and watermelon.

Overall the game is good, but not suited to children due to the dark themes and complex mathematical equations.
4.5/5 - 'Almost perfect.'