⚡ NEW: Profiles/ - Complete Album!

If you're reading this, chances are you're a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥ and just died for the 5th time to the mudcrabs outside of seyda neen. In this guide I will teach you how to be a badass god slaying-warlord in morrowind.
Step 1
Start the game. Pick breton or Dunmer as your starting race, I'm no supremicist but if there was a master race it would be these guys. After you enter the main building with the creepy old man who isn't wearing anything under those robes, select create your own class. I suggest long blade and destruction and whatever armor type you feel like. A battlemage class is not required but don't come crying to me when a daedra worshipping orc kicks your teeth in and calls you a few racial slurs. After creating your class you can head over to the limeware platter and steal it by dropping it on the ground and picking it up after the guard wags his finger at you or you could just progress normally if you wanna live the shirtless skooma addict lifestyle.
Step 2
Congrats, you started the game without having to breakdown crying and calling your dad to ask him if he really loves you, you're on steam so he probably doesn't. One of the first things you wanna do is go buy a weapon from the local tavern and sell off all the cool new things you "borrowed" from the imperials who were less aware of what you were doing then the ashes in the local tomb. After you get a new sword because you don't wanna get your ♥♥♥♥ pinched off by the mudcrabs and casted into the swamps, you go around killing things until you realise how degenerate the combat system is, at this point you want to quit because you're out of stamina and you just got ♥♥♥♥♥♥ to death by a cliff racer. Wait a few hours until a dark brotherhood assassin and his pet rat attacks you, turn down the difficulty like a ♥♥♥♥♥ kill him then look for the dumbass who tried to fly with scrolls and loot his corpse, sell off his worthless stuff and keep his sword because it's enchanted. I reccomend going near by and clearing out the caves for some easy gold and the moon sugar to buy some argonian slaves because we all like to have fun every once in a while, unless you're playing this game,
Step 3
This is the final step. At the edge of Seyda Neen if you take a right turn you will see the weird ass alien bug looking thing that the weird woman has odd sexual tensions with, ask her to take you to balamora and she does for like 20 gold, probably less. Once you are there join a guild buy better gear and do the guilds quest until you finally decide to do the main quest. Head to cauis cosades house and the top right corner of the city. He will be the shirtless guy who offers you skooma. Say no to skooma unless you want a fun night unconcious with caius, anyway he will tell you to meet with somebody from the fighters guild for some information about dark elf ashlander sixth house alex jones water turning frogs gay ♥♥♥♥ that you dont care about until she pulls the a-hole card and tells you to find a dwemer puzzle box from a dwarven ruin. This is the part where you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ quit because it's too hard to find.