Virtual Mate calls themselves “The World’s First Virtual Intimacy System,” and I immediately wondered what they meant by that. The promise of remote teledildonics has lingered for decades, largely unfulfilled. Still, I have been seeing a lot of new and exciting things happening in the world of high-tech masturbation. The VR gizmos working their way into homes across the globe are one sticky example, but I’ve been curious about the growing number of electronic devices and gadgets that you can stick your dick in for a good time. Hey, in 2024, why should we settle for an old-timey silicone butthole without a battery?

Sexy Land! An Aussie sex toy shop. What’s there to say? I’ve been reviewing sex toy shops for a while and it seems to me like every year they go through some sort of extreme renaissance. It wasn’t long ago that I was reviewing similar sites that only had a few collections from a few select companies. They were all kind of humble and limited. They didn’t go above and beyond to satisfy. They were glorified white label sites. No more, I say and SexyLand agrees with me. These guys are most likely local and situated in Melbourne. That’ll matter a few paragraphs down. Just tuck it away for now. We’ll talk about Melbourne.

What comes to mind when you think of a Toy Demon? Maybe you envision a horned little horny dude on your shoulder, telling you to jerk off instead of getting any work done. I imagine a crazy anime monster with a bunch of rubber tits, silicone twats and a handful of vibrating plastic boners. Just based on the sheer variety of weird-ass sex toys on this site I’m looking at, I bet every pervert’s got a different concept of what makes a Toy Demon.

Kiiroo describes themselves as “leaders in the sex tech/teledildonics industry since 2013,” a claim that would hold a lot less weight if they didn’t have so many perverts streaming into their website every day. Besides the eager sex toy consumers and curious window-shoppers giving them so much attention, they’ve also earned a handful of awards from such prestigious groups of perverts as XBIZ, AEVC, and Dusk. Between you and me, I’ve had a lifelong love affair with both hands, but I cheat on them all the time with the kinds of high-tech gizmos these guys are peddling.

Love Honey! Are you still jerking your cock with your bare hand like a fucking caveman? Come on; the future is now. That’s like going out and buying some porno mags or DVDs from a sex shop. There are better ways to blow your load these days. And with all of the money you dumb fucks spend on bullshit stuff like expensive coffee and doujinshi, you could be having the goddamn fap sesh of a lifetime by just investing in a few toys. Yeah, chicks aren’t the only ones who can buy expensive fuck toys for a good time. And I’ve got a site today with a massive catalog of toys, lingerie, and much more.

Dick pills like Viagra and Cialis are so common these days that we often take them for granted as we pour them into our morning breakfast cereal. It sometimes feels like they’ve been around forever, but you don’t have to be a grandpa to remember when penis pumps were the be-all and end-all of home dick enhancement. The classic tech never went away, though, as evidenced by the longevity of sites like Bathmate Direct.

Looking for male sex toys? Do you own a Flesh Light aka the best male masturbator yet? For many years now Fleshlights have been the most popular masturbation sex toy for men in the market. The ridiculously shaped Fleshlight is basically a flashlight with a fake pussy aka artificial vagina attached to the end, making it easy to hold as you fuck the shit out of it.

Been getting a lot of alone time lately? Yeah, me too. The coronavirus has made all our lives weird, though as a full-time porn reviewer, I’m kind of used to sitting around at home alone watching anal orgies. This is actually the longest I’ve gone without getting run out of Starbucks for jerking off. Anyway, I bet you’re looking for something to enhance those solitary days, huh? I’ve been browsing Lelo this morning, trying to find some new way to spice up my hourly fap routine.

Adam & Eve adult store! Why are you still buying sex toys from that weird, greasy feeling sex shop across town? It’s expensive, the cashier with the combover always gives you that weird look, and you have to carry that black bag back to your car hoping that nobody you know sees you. It fucking sucks. But it doesn’t have to be that way. What if I told you there was an awesome site that could offer discreet delivery and competitive prices with none of the shame? Well, I’ve got just the site for you, and I’m certain you’ve heard of them.

J-List! Do you want to buy some hentai shit at J List? Sometimes it is not enough to simply watch hours and hours of porn. Sometimes you need a little more than that. A little something special. Something to really step your self-pleasure game up a notch. Hey, there ain’t nothing wrong with using a tool every now and then right? No judgment here.

Brand names like Svakom seem like something of a gamble to me. They’re golden once they’re established, as nobody’s going to confuse an outfit like Brazzers, LiveJasmin or Beeg with a similar-sounding website. The thing is, reaching that level of recognition is going to be hard for smaller brands with these kinds of non-descriptive titles. I called my website ThePornDude so you’d know exactly what you were going to get, but what do you even expect when you hear a word like Svakom?

Sometimes a Porn Hint is the only thing standing between you and a mind-blowing orgasm, which I suspect may be the reason you’ve ended up here at ThePornDude today. My whole thing is giving out hints as to where you can find the fap fodder of your wettest dreams, but the website I’ll be checking out today ain’t another video archive or nudie photo gallery to shake your dick at. No, this next joint will help you get your rocks off in much more physical ways than just a friendly nudge in the right direction.

Back in the day when online sex chatting was all the rage, but the internet was still kind of young, I used to use the same line to get (18+)girls to fly over to my city to fuck me. They’d get all horny and bothered and they’d want to do me, and I’d say that my anaconda isn’t quite long enough to cross state borders. We both had a laugh and forgot about the whole thing, until she’d show up at my door a few days later, desperate for the cock. This system worked for me, because it got me laid. It’s not going to work for you, because you are not nearly as awesome as I am. For the regular Joe, online sex is still a matter of having to jack yourself off while you’re looking at a stream of the (18+)girl you’re fucking. Even if you’re on a fucking Skype chat with some babe who’s got the hots for you, you have to pleasure yourself. She isn’t lending you no hand.Lovense must have heard about my state lines joke and thought to themselves: What if you could yeet your penis across state lines to fuck someone? And then, they made that dream a reality. Introducing, remote fucking. We’re finally living in the future, boys. We can text people our actual fucking penises… sort of. Lovense makes most of their money with programmable sex toys for women on sites like Chaturbate, where you can fiddle with a girl’s clit remotely by dropping her a token or two. But, their coup de grace has to be their line of two-way sex remote sex toys that connect to each other over the internet. Now, this is Star Trek shit. You can finally send your cock to that long-distance crush you’ve been jacking off to.

Compared to the horny porn-loving people who came before us, it’s easy to forget just how easy many of us have it. No longer do we have to amass vast collections of physical porn magazines and pray some unwanted eyes fall upon them because we have some of the most flawless access to HD porn in history via an array of devices.

Motsu Toys! Are you in the mood to get off to all kinds of sex toys that will get you off and drain your balls? Do you want Japanese sex toys made just for men? Then you have come to the right fucking place! You’ve come to Motsu Toys – and it is here that you’re going to find sex toys that will satisfy you in all the right fucking ways!

Over the years, we’ve seen a dramatic shift in the world of porn consumption. Sure, there are plenty of people who are happy to watch a generic porno with zero storylines and merely enjoy the sight of a dripping wet pussy or a quivering asshole being fucked into submission in complete 4K. Still, there are others seeking something with more depth, storyline, and characters with enough personality that you can immerse yourself in them.

What’s the Best Vibe you’ve ever experienced? It’s kind of a trick question, because I bet you’d give your mom a different answer than you would your old friend The Porn Dude. Hey, it’s all good, as I know most of you don’t like talking about masturbation in polite company. Then again, I ain’t exactly known for my manners, so let’s talk jacking off!

Why settle for less than the Best Vibe in the world when you’re watching dirty movies and playing with yourself? That’s probably the type of rhetorical question these guys were hoping you’d ask yourself as soon as you saw the name. The thing is, almost every website out there claims to be the best in their chosen category. Is this just another bigmouthed but empty brag, the work of clever marketing gurus, or do they truly offer world-class genital vibrations that put the other brands to shame?

Where would you Get Fleshy? I guess the obvious answer is the website of the very same name, but let’s get a little creative, shall we? You can Get Fleshy on the bus, at the library, or while squatting on the WiFi at Starbucks, perhaps while watching one of my recent films over at PornDudeCasting. If you’re more of a private type, you might prefer to Get Fleshy in the comfort of your own home, where nobody’s going to start bitching about the porn you’re watching at full volume or the squishy, buzzy sound of the sex toy on your dingdong.

Based on the name, Honey Play Box sounds like it could result in a lot of sticky fingers and messes that are difficult to clean up. After spending the morning perusing the site, I can only confirm that’s true. Not because they’re a literal box full of liquid bee sugar, but because they offer the type of adult toys intended to help you generate your own syrupy emissions. If all goes well, the dudes will be blowing loads of cum and the girls will be squirting. You know, these gizmos might be a perfect compliment to the kind of media I review here at ThePornDude…

The front page at Lovehoney says that “Great sex starts with good communication.” To illustrate their point, they’ve got a photo of a couple embracing in their underwear. The dude’s face is hidden, but she looks pretty happy. I wonder if it’s the loving arms wrapped around her that have got her so excited or just the fact that she’s holding a fancy clit stimulator in her free hand. Perhaps the message being communicated is that my dude needs to work on his pussy-licking skills, or maybe they’re just saying sex toys are an easy way to have a little more fun in the sack.

Your mom was Big Shocked the first time she looked at the website of the same name, probably because she’d grown used to your dad’s little ding-dong and the cheap dildo she bought on Amazon. While many women would be satisfied by these meager members, there are others who prefer something bigger, more elaborate or simply fantastical as all hell. I admit, I do most of my masturbation using my hands or the machine I built out of Pringles cans and old Walkman motors, but sometimes I like to spice it up with something a little more lifelike—or just the opposite.

I checked out Otona JP this morning, and now I feel like an international pervert. I guess that ain’t any different from a usual day here at ThePornDude, but there’s just something special about getting a delivery from the other side of world, opening the box and then fucking the prize inside. No, this ain’t a mail-order bride emporium, but arguably something even better than that: an Asian sex toy shop the weebs are going to go absolutely nuts for. This ain’t the usual Western selection of dildos, butt plugs and Fleshlights, that’s for sure.

I had a feeling Acme Joy would be my kind of shop. It wasn’t the “Acme” that hooked me in, conjuring up images of grocery stores and Wile E. Coyote’s crazy schemes to catch that fucking Road Runner and finally get some bird pussy. No, it was the “Joy” part of it that got me. Joy can mean a lot of different positive things, including a lot of totally SFW, wholesome types of pleasures, and happiness. Since it was some pervert who sent me the link, though, I knew this would be a more masturbatory type of joy.

AnnSummers! When shopping for sex toys, lingerie, or even something for your BDSM backroom exploits, it’s always important to choose a retailer you can trust. Well, perhaps you enjoy walking into your local sex shop and chatting with the cashier, telling them how you appreciated their nipple clamp suggestions last week, but not everyone is into that.

Oh, you already know what it is, it’s Bad Dragon, and I’m about to pop off. These things have been taking over the market like it’s nobody’s business, and I am not surprised. Bad Dragon, as a company, has changed the shape of the ideal male penis. That’s how fucking influential they’ve become. It is now out of style to have a regularly shaped penis. You have to sport a dragon cock, or else you don’t get the pussy. I have a gigantic penis, so naturally, none of the women I’ve ever fucked have had a problem with what I’ve had to offer, but for the rest of you out there, hey, I’ll pour a bit of my drink on the floor for you. I’ll say a prayer. If a bitch has had a Bad Dragon dildo inside of her snatch, then fucking her will feel like tossing a hotdog down a barrel.