Brand names like Svakom seem like something of a gamble to me. They’re golden once they’re established, as nobody’s going to confuse an outfit like Brazzers, LiveJasmin or Beeg with a similar-sounding website. The thing is, reaching that level of recognition is going to be hard for smaller brands with these kinds of non-descriptive titles. I called my website ThePornDude so you’d know exactly what you were going to get, but what do you even expect when you hear a word like Svakom?

Spoiler alert: they’re hawking high-tech sex toys that won’t break the bank. That was the mission when Svakom.com was founded in 2012, and it’s still the case today. As for my musings on the ambiguous branding, well, the name doesn’t seem to be hurting them. In fact, their traffic has nearly quadrupled recently, with well over a hundred thousand visitors stopping by last month. I didn’t have half this much interest when I launched my line of official PornDude cheese dildos, but maybe I’ll learn a thing or two about slanging sex toys once I dig into the site a little more.

Oh, and while I know you’re here for the opinion of the world’s most famous professional masturbator, it’s worth noting that I ain’t the only one singing Svakom’s praises. In 2023, they won the XBiz Award for Luxury Brand of the Year, the XBiz Europa Award for Global Pleasure Brand of the year, and the EroSpain Award for Toy Brand of the Year. I’d get into their older accolades, but I’ve only got so much time!

Like Dildo Shopping in the Future

Svakom sets the high-class vibe right from the moment you load up their front page. If you’ve never bought a genital stimulator off the internet, you might assume you’re in for the same kind of experience as buying one from the dank-smelling sex shop just off the highway. You know, the one with the sketchy lot lizards, the peep-show perverts with their hats pulled down, and the surly butch chick ringing up your rush poppers with a scowl.

To the contrary, this joint is sparkly clean and well-polished. The thin, sleek letters of the Svakom logo remind me of Sephora, as do the color scheme and overall presentation. The photography is straight out of a fashion magazine, showing sexy models posing with their toys instead of the generic stock photos of happy people you often find elsewhere. It’s clear they’ve put real time, energy and money into every element of the website, and I haven’t even touched on the actual toys yet.

I already mentioned this in the intro, but this is a point worth quoting their About Us page for. “Svakom was created as a means of offering high-quality products to the world with an emphasis on innovative technology and affordability.” I honestly would have guessed this just based on my familiarity with these types of products. The gizmos out front look as sleek and high-tech as some of the fancier brands out there, but without the prohibitively high price tags.

No shit, my dudes, Svakom.com has best-selling automated dick strokers starting at under a hundo. While these gadgets have come down in recent years, you can easily pay twice that or more for a similar device from a major brand. A few of their female-oriented best sellers are going for under $50, and I ain’t talking about the generic vibrating bullets you find at the porn store; these are futuristic gizmos you’d assume were designed by Apple if they came in bright, blinding white.

Sex-related industries often get a bad rep from the prudes of the world, but environmentally minded masturbators should check out Svakom’s Sustainability page. They’re planting trees, recycling packaging, supporting farmers and helping people get clean water. The next time your mom says you ain’t doing any good just sitting around and jacking off all day, tell her to check out the website. “I’m saving the world here, mom! Can you grab me a towel?”

Plug Your Dick in Here, and Then Plug into the Internet

Svakom.com might be the only internet sex toy shop I’ve seen that doesn’t have separate aisles for the male and female devices. A lot of people think of these devices as strictly for solo users, but they can be even more fun to use with a partner. Perhaps the setup here reflects that, but it’s still a weird choice. Every store, whether it’s online or brick and mortar, wholesome or hardcore, should make it as easy as possible to find exactly what you’re looking for.

Since there are no sections aimed at either men or women, I first checked out Svakom’s line of interactive, app-controlled adult toys called the Connexion Series. I’m honestly kind of shocked by how cheap the lower-end interactive units run, with female pulse stimulators starting at $39. At the other end of the spectrum, their $179 Alex Neo is a powerful thrusting masturbator and the most expensive among the line. It’s currently sold out, giving you an idea of its popularity.

If you’ve cranked it to webcam sex sites, you’ve probably seen women using similar devices; the pink, internet-connected Lovense vibrators are very popular right now. Svakom.com’s got some video tutorials to guide you through the connection process with their gadgets, and these things ain’t limited to buzzes from viewers. You can also experience the fucking and sucking of your favorite porn movies, all synced up so it’s like you’re living it. Combine it with a VR headset and you may never leave the house again.

Their Sam Neo is a cheaper variation of the priciest male Svakom toy I mentioned above, with automatic sucking and vibration. It’s currently on sale for $83.99, which I think is the lowest cost of entry for a male masturbator that can sync up with porno movies. I’m whipping up this review a couple weeks from Valentine’s day, but the price ain’t going to go up much after the seasonal discount. Maybe I better put an order in before they sell out…

And a Little Something for the Ladies

When I review a sex toy shop, I tend to focus more on the dick strokers than the skittle diddlers. That’s partly because I’m a dude and those are the products that will feel best wrapped around my dingdong, and also because most of my visitors are men. That said, I wouldn’t be doing my job right if I didn’t take a closer look at some of these lady vibrators.

Svakom doesn’t sell highly realistic, veiny dildos, but they do have some classic-looking female toys: the vaguely penile shapes, the rabbits and the curved, wearable vibrators. I’m slightly more intrigued by their next-generation designs that might not immediately look like something designed to give you an orgasm. The Pulse Lite Neo looks like something you’d buy at the headshop 50 years from now, and the Pulse Pure is a palm-sized bit of modern art that can also make a woman cum.

I took a closer look at the listing for that latter product. Svakom.com calls their Pulse Pure a Deep Pulse Clitoral Stimulator, and sells that bad boy for just under eighty bones. It comes in two colors, charges in 3 hours and buzzes for 4, and has 5 vibration modes and intensity levels.

Users love it, too. Like any good ecommerce website, Svakom lets customers leave reviews. These days it’s a bad sign if there’s no review section, but I found a lot of happy consumers around here. A chick named Cassie said the Pulse Pure was the “Most efficient toy I’ve ever had. Like, instant orgasms.” If that scares you as a dude, I recommend buying your gal a vibrator and helping her play with it. Trust me on this.

At the end of the day, it’s up to you what you’re going to buzz your cooter, your weewee or your bunghole with. There’s a lot of personal preference at play that may not line up precisely with my experience or that of the customers leaving reviews, just like with porno. What I can say about Svakom.com is that they’re one of the more affordable sites I’ve reviewed who specialize in high-tech masturbation devices. If you’re looking for a truly next-level, next-generation masturbation experience but don’t want to open a new credit card, these guys are definitely worth a look.