GloryholeSwallow! I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my landlord lately. I already know I’m not getting my security deposit back, and honestly, I’m a little worried he’s going to take me to court. I admit, I may have gotten some wrong ideas from GloryholeSwallow. Not a single mystery broad ever sucked my dick when I stuck it in one of the holes I busted in my walls.

Chicks have been visiting the gloryholes of GloryholeSwallow.com since 2011, when it was called Gloryhole Hustlers. Horny perverts have been flocking to the site for just as long. Nearly a decade later, they’re still pulling thousands of visitors a day. Today, I’m going to try to figure out their secret. If things work out, this morning will be the last time I ever chafe my boner on drywall.

Guess Who’s Sucking

What comes to mind when you think of gloryholes? Some of you still think it’s an urban legend, while others believe they are exclusively the domain of highway rest area fags looking for a taste of pee-pee. Those of you with a little more experience in the world of semi-public sex might imagine some swinger’s ugly hotwife on her knees, belly hanging to the floor, slurping fat guy junk from a rancid hole that looks like a thousand dudes ejaculated on it.

Well, none of those are what you’ll find at Gloryhole Swallow. Their whole gimmick, as you’ve probably imagined, is good-looking whores fucking anonymous dudes through a hole in the wall. The landing page shows off some of the latest sluts to come through to take their turn at the flesh mic. The latest is this hot little Greek chick with winged eyeliner showing off a mouthful of spunk in the screencap. Last week it was a redhead, and before that was a brown-haired MILF. In the last few months, they’ve had white girls, ebony babes, Asians and a couple exotic, mysteriously ethnic girls I’d love to toss a couple of loads in.

The site prides itself on having 100% real gloryhole movies, as opposed to the all the fakers out there. The amateur vibe definitely helps sell that. I don’t see a single recognizable face among the cocksuckers and girls backing their cooters against the wall. Some gloryhole sites are populated with up-and-comers just starting to make the rounds, but it’s easier to believe these are just randos who stopped by. Honestly, that’s one of my complaints: there are some really average chicks mixed in with all the pole-smoking hotties.

The About page at Gloryhole Swallow talks about how the site got started and gives some general background info. There’s even an etiquette section on how to get or give a beej at your local porn store’s gloryhole in the arcade area. If you want your cock sucked, “put your finger through the hole and rub it along the bottom.” When you’re about to pop, it’s common courtesy to tap on the wall a few times first.

Long Memberships and Long Movies

I expected GloryholeSwallow.com subscriptions to go for the industry-standard price of thirty bucks a month. Maybe, I thought, they might tack on a little extra since real anonymous sex is a rare commodity in premium smut. Neither turned out to be right.

The cheapest membership is $80! It’s a three-month membership, but that’s kind of fucking crazy. I’ve never seen a site force you to spring for a multi-month membership before. They claim you “Save $10”, but that seems like made-up bullshit when it’s the cheapest membership. You do save more on the 6- and 12-month memberships, but still, that 3-month minimum is a tough pill to swallow. Jesus fucking Christ, the least they could do is give us some free video previews if they’re asking that much!

The perks do balance out that high price a bit. For one thing, they’ve got over 500 Gloryhole Swallow movies in the collection so far. The movies run around an hour or more a piece, which means you could jack off for 3 weeks straight on a cocaine and Viagra binge without ever watching the same video twice.

Another major perk? They add a new movie every week. Some of the bigger networks bang out a higher volume of content than that, but once a week is a nice even pace for a niche site like this, especially given the video lengths. I’m the kind of freak who schedules much of his life around the updates of my favorite paysites, so I love regular releases.

What’s On the Other Side of This Hole?

When I first landed at GloryholeSwallow.com, one of the first thumbnails to catch my eye was a cute young 18+ chick with glasses at the hole, a dick in her hands and a wad of sperm in her mouth. I knew I wanted to see her video first, so you’d better believe I headed straight to her flick when I got logged in.

The movie runs a full hour and a half, so it’ll be a good opportunity to break in the new silicone 18+ schoolgirl mouth I just got in the mail. I lubed up and hit Play. After a quick piracy notice and intro screen, the little sweetheart got down on her knees and started sucking. I love how she just gets to it with no introduction.

The camerawork is simple as hell at GloryholeSwallow, just like the setup. This babe is in a tiny, non-descript room with white walls and a dick peeking out of a gloryhole. She’s an eager chick, too, using her hands, working the shaft and the balls, and fitting the whole thing in that pretty face. The camera is handheld and doesn’t move much, as the action is pretty much all contained to the head area.

I mentioned Gloryhole Swallow has some average-looking bitches on the roster, but this girl’s a keeper. She’s fucking adorable even with a ding-a-ling poking the back of her throat and making her gag. She’s young (18+) and her skin is perfect, and honestly, I wish we could see more of her thick body even though it’s a BJ scene.

Gloryhole Scenes and Group Fucking

The first dude knocks on the wall about 5 minutes in. A few seconds later, our beautiful little heroine flashes the jizz in her mouth before gulping it down with a smile. There’s that titular Gloryhole Swallow they’re talking about!

When the camera pans back a bit, that’s when we see there’s another hole on the other side of the room. It’s a tiny room, so she doesn’t have to move far. This girl is either determined to get in some cock-sucking practice or she’s just starving for protein, but goddamn, can she suck!

I wanted to see how else this girl gets down, so I skipped ahead 20 minutes. Holy shit! There’s more than just gloryhole action going down at GloryholeSwallow. Later, the cute little 4-eyes goes down on a blonde MILF. A few seconds after sticking her tongue in the cougar’s pussy, both girls start getting dicked down by a couple of dudes. They’ve moved from the gloryhole room to a room with a bed, which suits me. I was hoping to see more of the young one, anyway.

There are at least 3 dudes banging the 2 chicks in the group sex sequence, though the camera focuses more on the older broad. The two eventually make their way back to the gloryhole, where they make out with a BBC between their mouths. There’s more girl-on-girl stuff, and then the MILF fucks a guy through the gloryhole. Downloads are included, so I saved the movie for future faps.

I use the word MILF a little loosely here. I mean, I would fuck her, don’t get me wrong, but she wouldn’t be my first choice. She looks like a high school lunch lady who got dolled up in glitter eyeshadow to eat anonymous sperm. She’s not exactly a pornstar in the looks department, but she is a depraved, cum-loving slut who clearly enjoys fucking all these randos.

GloryholeSwallow.com often feels amateur as hell in the production department, which is part of the appeal. Unlike other gloryhole sites, I believe them when they say these are just random chicks sucking anonymous cock through the wall. The act alone necessitates a high libido and higher level of depravity, which the girls (and old broads) definitely have in abundance. If you’re looking for legit gloryhole porn, this is it.