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I don't have a partner. What's the next best thing to satisfying myself sexually?

Your mother got a BIG shock when she first saw the website of the same name. Perhaps because she was used to her father's small cock and the cheap dildos she bought on Amazon. Many women would be satisfied with these skimpy dicks, but some prefer something bigger, more sophisticated, or just plain fancy. Of course, I do most of my masturbation with my own hands or with a machine made from a can of Pringles and an old Walkman motor, but sometimes I like to diversify things with something more realistic, or vice versa.

When I checked out Otona JP this morning, I felt like an international perv. It's no different than your average day on ThePornDude, but there's something special about getting delivery from the other side of the world, opening the box, and fucking the prizes inside. It's not a mail-order bride store, but something even better - an Asian sex toy store for wankers to go crazy over. It's certainly not the usual Western selection of dildos, plugs and fresh lamps.

Acme Joy, I felt, was my place. I wasn't attracted to the name "Acme" because I associated it with grocery stores and Wiley Coyote's crazy plans to catch runners and get bird pussy. Rather, I was attracted to the "Joy" part - Joy has many positive meanings, including absolutely fantastic and wholesome pleasure and happiness. However, since the link was sent to me by a pervert, I assumed it would be more of a masturbatory pleasure.

What PornDude Shop sells are unlicensed dildos modeled after my penis, as seen on PornDudeCasting. It's a proprietary blend of herbs, spices and household chemicals developed in my kitchen as a Viagra substitute, or a mass-produced version of a homemade trainer made in my garage. Unfortunately, my powerful legal team vetoed most of these ideas. Instead, it's decorated with lots of safe trinkets and props, as well as a beautiful mug that's been a favorite of mine for years-my own mug.

Tracy's dog did it. It seems to be from the early 2000s. But maybe I'm a little confused by this site I've just been browsing. I'm being introduced to high-tech penis massagers and clitoral rubbers, and I think it's time to retire my old gym socks and choose something with less friction on my dick. As someone who checks porn sites around the world every day, I wish I had something more effective for masturbation than what's lying on the floor.

A friend of mine heard about my recent visit to the hospital and recommended The Handy." Isn't it about time you gave up making your own cock-sucking robot." He asked." It's time to leave it to the professionals." I'm not one to give up on my dreams, but as I applied the prescribed ointment to my chafing burns, I thought he was probably right.

Penis pills like Viagra and Cialis are so common these days that we often take them for granted, like pouring them into our morning cereal for breakfast. But you don't have to be a grandfather to remember that penis pumps are all about home penis enlargement. Classic technology never goes away, which proves the longevity of sites like Bathmate Direct. Bathmate was launched in 2004, and BathmateDirect.com went online a few years later. (Someone had a camp on the Bathmate.com domain, which is probably still there.) Since then, more than a million units have been sold, and the company has become the world's best-selling brand of tennis pumps. I was looking for a device to replace the tennis mangler I accidentally bought at Wish, so let's take a look. Smooth tube for large shafts. Bassmate Direct's front page shows a smooth tube of shiny plastic and a smiling male model with what appears to be an improved girth. Before exploring the store, I wanted to learn a little more about the company. Included is an in-depth interview with John Oakes, the inventor of the Bathmate. This man, Johnny, is a mechanical engineer with decades of experience. He originally designed this penis pump for a friend who had suffered a spinal cord injury and could not support him. This is perhaps the most noble reason for inventing the penis pump. And, amazingly, it actually works. After all, the human penis is a hydraulically actuated organ," says Oaks. This Q&A is a must-read, and also very interesting if you're really thinking about entering your credit card number at BathmateDirect.com. The company description section on most sex equipment sites is written by low-paid copywriters who don't necessarily understand the material, but do so in a boring and professional manner. John Oakes, who invented the product and provides a lot of raw information about the development and use of the Bathmate, has a lot of actual scientific information. I keep saying "Bathmate," but the product line has expanded over the years as the technology has improved. Their entry-level penis pumps start at $110, and the more expensive models cost up to $399. That's cheaper than I expected, and certainly a lot cheaper than a long-term prescription for penis medicine. Depending on your insurance, the Hydro 7 may cost less than your co-pay. Free shipping and a 60-day money-back guarantee also make this a good deal. Most users stay happy for the first month, and that's enough time to see if this product is right for you. If not, well, I guess they can get a couple of your pubic pumps in the mail. Penis pumps for all penis sizes One of the biggest problems with the penis pumps I've bought was that they measured divineNeedless to say, if you visit Subreddit you will see many pictures of your penis, some of the "before and after" pictures are quite impressive, and Reddit seems like the place to go to brag about it when you start noticing increases in girth and length. The Reddit community is great in that it offers informal support and has users who are more willing to discuss details than BathmateDirect. One thing I've noticed is that many users have been doing with Bathmate for a long time, sometimes for years. If they don't keep using it, the benefits seem to disappear. One man wrote that after a year of non-permanent use, it's almost failing, but he's outmatched by long-time users who post pictures of their monstrous penises. The Bathmate Direct review talks about increasing girth and length, and there's a video on the site, but the third-party photos on Reddit really convinced me. These men and penis pumps look legitimate. One of the best things Bathmate Direct does for itself and its customers is to offer a money-back guarantee. I'll admit, I'm a skeptic when it comes to sex-related products. If the ads on porn sites were true, everyone would flock to their local erotic Asian bachelor with a 12-inch monster dick. If only there was a warranty on the Bathmate.

Looking for male sex toys. You still have the best male masturbator, aka Fleshlight. Fleshlight has been the most popular male masturbation sex toy on the market for years. The Fleshlight is an outrageous shape with an artificial pussy, aka an artificial vagina, attached to the end of the Fleshlight, which basically makes it easier to hold while fucking.

You've been spending a lot of time alone lately. So have I. The coronavirus has made my life crazy. But as a full-time porn reviewer, I'm used to sitting at home alone watching anal masturbation. It's the longest I've spent without getting kicked out of Starbucks for masturbating. I'm sure I'm looking for something to enhance those lonely days. I browsed Lelo this morning to add some new spice to my hourly fap routine.

Adam & Eve's Adult Shop. Why are you still buying sex toys at that weird, oily looking sex store on the other side of town? It's expensive, the cashiers always look weird, and you have to carry a black bag all the way back to your car so that no one you know will see you. It sucks. But it doesn't have to be that way. What if I told you there is a great site that delivers discreetly, without embarrassment, and at a great price? There is such a site! I'm sure you've heard of it.

It's J-list...you want to buy hentai shit on J-list? Sometimes hours and hours of porn just isn't enough. Sometimes you need more than that. Something a little special. Something that takes your pleasure to the next level. There's nothing wrong with using your tools, I don't judge.

Back in the day, when online sex chatting was popular, but the Internet was still young, I used to use the same line to get girls to come to my town to have sex with me. They would get horny and want to fuck me, but I would tell them that my anaconda wasn't long enough to cross the state line. We laugh and forget all about it until a few days later she shows up at my door wanting cock. This system worked for me because I got laid, and it doesn't work for anyone else. But it might not work for you because you're not as amazing as I am. For the average person, online sex is still a matter of having to jack yourself off while watching a stream of girls you are fucking. Even if a woman is giving you the hot eye in a Skype chat, you still have to entertain yourself. She is not there to help you.